FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

by silkworm / 06/24/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bicurious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2009 at 1:28am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 12:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 9:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom had one too many and announced to all of my friends that, if she had the opportunity, she would bang Gwen Stefani. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was working as a service writer in an auto service shop. A really cute girl came in to buy a headlight, I offered to install the bulb for her. My hand got stuck behind the headlight, she had to ask one of our mechanics to come remove the air box from her car to get my hand out. FML

by stuck / 06/16/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

by MisterSeth / 06/16/2009 at 9:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I went on a date with my boyfriend. Suddenly he starts speaking gibberish. I ask what's wrong? He says, "I was just talking to my unicorn. He says you're pretty," and winks at me. What have we learned today? The person I like is a freak, and apparently unicorns are real. FML

by unicorn / 06/12/2009 at 12:49pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

by chuchie / 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I checked facebook, only to find out that my close cousin is now married. When I looked at the pictures, I saw that my whole family was there - including my sister, mother and father. I was the only one who wasn't invited. FML

by Oh_baby / 06/10/2009 at 1:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 9:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money