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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I ordered a pizza over the phone from Pizza Hut. I turned at the store and waited for over 25 minutes. When they saw me sitting there for such a long time, they eventually asked what i was waiting for. I'd called the wrong Pizza Hut. FML

#900061
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (53400)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

#869824
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57722) - you deserved it (5779)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:08pm - animals - by redmethod87 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was riding my bike and stopped at a street light. A little girl looked at me, then asked her mother, "Mommy, why does that girl have a ring through her nose?" Her mother then replied, "Because her parents don't love her." FML

#818828
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66297) - you deserved it (18210)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, completely nude, I had to collect my clothes around the boy’s apartment I have been sleeping with for awhile. While his girlfriend watched to make sure I “got the fuck out.” FML

#800940
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36119) - you deserved it (165418)

On 04/04/2009 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was getting ready to get in the shower. Completely naked, I pulled the curtain away and there was a huge spider on the wall in the shower. I screamed and my husband, disoriented from sleeping, came running in and knocked me over. I killed the spider with my forehead and broke my nose. FML

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64964) - you deserved it (11062)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12706) - you deserved it (126017)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

#761091
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85360) - you deserved it (6593)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:09am - work - by olalala2382 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64694) - you deserved it (4265)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15458) - you deserved it (185232)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102673) - you deserved it (22347)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

#672131
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53673) - you deserved it (24188)

On 03/28/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Betsydoll (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

#653617
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65418) - you deserved it (4992)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Samsonites (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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