FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

by thanks sis / 10/21/2015 at 8:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I got banned from a suicide prevention forum for "attention seeking." FML

by isellorangez / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my roommate confided in me that she hadn't been taking showers while at school because she was afraid of being in the shower when the fire alarm goes off. She goes home once every month, and will only shower there. I have to live with her for the rest of the year. FML

by Utterly_Confused / 10/07/2015 at 6:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, after hearing the results of my spinal tap, following several scans, my doctor said discovering that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a "happy accident". FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

by edavis1993 / 10/06/2015 at 11:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was savagely beating my wife on Call of Duty, since she demanded that I play normally and not hold back. 15 minutes later, she was raging at me, calling me a bastard and saying she wished we'd never married. FML

by JJ / 10/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

by areyoukiddingme / 10/01/2015 at 1:56am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

by Thatguynoonelikes / 09/29/2015 at 9:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, my wife is unreasonably mad at me for telling our kids to call toilet paper, "Butt Floss". FML

by chillnhill / 09/10/2015 at 10:31pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl hit on me. Specifically, a lesbian who thought I was a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2015 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 3:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was attacked by a duck. I thought I was higher on the food chain than that. FML

Today, a customer approached me, smiling and asked what kind of cheese was in our cheddar cheese balls. Thinking he was joking, I laughed and said "swiss." He ordered, found they were indeed cheddar cheese, and reported me. FML

by bandaidstations / 08/16/2015 at 11:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.