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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML

#771625
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64763) - you deserved it (11031)

On 04/02/2009 at 7:05pm - animals - by darlingditz (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend called me in the middle of the night and told me he got mugged and was on his way to the hospital. I told him to fuck off because that was a horrible April Fool's joke. He asked if I wanted to talk to the paramedic. I told him to stop bothering me. Turns out it was true. FML

#764209
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12606) - you deserved it (125146)

On 04/02/2009 at 9:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I worked the drive-through at Wendy's, the hottest girl from my math class pulled up to the window. As I handed her the drink, I asked her what she thought of our math test today. She screamed "How did you know I had a math test, you creep!", threw the drink at me, and drove off. FML

#761091
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83415) - you deserved it (6409)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:09am - work - by olalala2382 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML

#701827
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63949) - you deserved it (4205)

On 03/30/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by androgynous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

#681021
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14457) - you deserved it (180084)

On 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm - misc - by emkaycutie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in the food court at the mall. When she said "yes", the entire food court broke out in applause, and my girlfriend and I were escorted out of the mall for "starting a riot". I never knew clapping was a crime. FML

#677461
402 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102026) - you deserved it (22295)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:03am - love - by engaged (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after a tiff with my boyfriend, I said to him, "You could at least PRETEND to love me sometimes." He responded with, "I do pretend to love you!" FML

#672131
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53519) - you deserved it (24157)

On 03/28/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Betsydoll (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally decided to tell him I love him. He told me that he loved me too... like a sister! The love of my life has been sleeping with his "sister" for three months. FML

#653617
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64100) - you deserved it (4871)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:15pm - love - by Samsonites (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was talking to my guy friend about prom. I told him I was turned down by 7 guys. So he said "Well, you could always ask me." I then said "Do you want to go to prom with me?" His response was "Nope...now that's 8!" FML

#650429
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139031) - you deserved it (25895)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by rejected (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my mom to tell her: "Mom, I finally got my period!" There was an awkward pause. She was at work. I was on speakerphone. FML

#644673
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58715) - you deserved it (22498)

On 03/27/2009 at 3:15pm - health - by Crampon (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I completed my 6 month training program for a track competition this weekend. I went to the park to run anyways because I needed some air after my boyfriend broke up with me. After one lap, my neighbor's 130 lb dog ran across the soccer field and jumped on me to say hi. My leg is broken. FML

#592855
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84309) - you deserved it (3910)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:18am - animals - by fmrunning (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

#554524
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66812) - you deserved it (8283)

On 03/23/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Marian (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got fired from my job for harassing customers over the weekend. I didn't work over the weekend. I left my nametag there on Friday and my co-workers thought it would be funny to wear my nametag all weekend. One of them got into a fight with a customer and they took her 'name' down. FML

#549700
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68563) - you deserved it (6616)

On 03/23/2009 at 8:08am - work - by McFired (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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