FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 9:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was shopping at the grocery market and was next in line. Behind me was a woman who only had two items, so I nicely let her in front of me, as it looked like she was in a hurry. When she was all rung up, she decided to pay her $16.45 in loose change which needed to be counted out. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2009 at 8:49am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend was kind enough to give me prescription strength deodorant. FML

by random123 / 11/29/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I was explaining the inner parts of a vagina and how they work. To my boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2009 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a my neighbor being mugged on the street. I wanted to help, so I tried to yank her purse from the mugger's hands. I guess my neighbor didn't see me clearly, because she thought I was another mugger and kicked my directly in the happy sacks. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking into the building I hoped to work in someday with my resume, ready to be interviewed. As I walked through the doors I had to sneeze, so lifted my hands and sneezed a huge bloody booger right in the middle of the cover page. Turns out future employers don't like that. FML

by ZombieLicker / 11/25/2009 at 3:25pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I saw one of my favorite hockey players in public. I had met him once before, and to my shock, he remembered me. I was pretty excited until he started talking to his friend in French. He didn't seem to realize that I'm fluent in the language. He basically called me "ugly psycho bitch." FML

by frenchgirl / 11/23/2009 at 1:59am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend convinced me that I should throw a big party and invite everyone to come. After fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one did. FML

by tealsoda / 11/21/2009 at 3:09pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, while putting on makeup, I got a face full of bloody scratches instead of an even skin tone. Turns out my makeup sponge was full of bits of glass. My little brother forgot to tell me he shattered a mirror beside my makeup box. FML

by redisnotmycolor / 11/15/2009 at 8:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I went for a run in a new pair of shoes that left me with huge blisters. As I finished cleaning them up so they could heal, I limped to my bed to take a nap. I was woken by the fire alarm. My building was having a drill and we couldn't use the elevators. I live on the 9th floor. FML

by runner / 11/14/2009 at 2:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received an eviction notice taped to my door stating my landlord is selling his property and moving out of the country in 13 days. My landlord is my boyfriend. FML

by LonelyMonkey / 11/12/2009 at 2:39pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, at school, I got stuck in the elevator and was about to panic before I remembered I had my phone. I called my mother and she called the school to tell them that I was stuck. They got me out in a few minutes and then confiscated my phone and gave me two detentions for using it in school. FML

by noexceptions / 11/11/2009 at 12:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a family counseling session because my parents are getting a divorce. I told the counselor that I feel guilty because I feel like I caused it. She says that there is no way I could have caused it, that it's my parents' problem when my mom interrupts her to say "Yes she did." FML

by problemchild / 11/02/2009 at 4:05pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous