Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

#1808488
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49135) - you deserved it (10218)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Ya - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I work at a chocolate factory on the sanitation shift. I was under a machine cleaning and a spider fell on me. I started freaking out and a coworker thought I got caught in the moving parts and frantically pulled me out and alerted my boss. Turns out it was just a piece of caramel. FML

#1806338
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14126) - you deserved it (40343)

On 05/10/2009 at 6:23am - work - by chocofreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

#1801231
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41378) - you deserved it (15030)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:22am - health - by muffin (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML

#1753127
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57692) - you deserved it (9514)

On 05/08/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by man (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I left my lights on in my car. I realized it at lunch, made sure to turn the lights off and tried to start it. The battery was dead, and I called my dad to jump it before I got back from my game. I come back from my game and the lights were on. He left the lights on after the jump. FML

#1705940
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39460) - you deserved it (5590)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by stupidlights (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

#1614370
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56480) - you deserved it (4381)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:25am - love - by pissed (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

#1588127
333 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48138) - you deserved it (7794)

On 05/03/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by TooShort (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my phone started ringing in the other room. I ran to go pick it up, tripped over my coffee table which gashed my leg, and knocked over my brand new 50" LCD TV, which broke over my head. Turns out it was a wrong number. FML

#1485222
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51647) - you deserved it (13252)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:16am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to throw me against the wall and kiss me like they do in the movies. Being all aggressive and smooth, he grabs my shirt and pushes me. He pushed a little too hard and my head was thrown back into the wall. I was knocked out for ten minutes. FML

#1401975
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66077) - you deserved it (5690)

On 04/27/2009 at 7:15pm - intimacy - by tara22 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancée got out of the shower, completely shaved. I went over to her, wrapped her in a hug and asked her what the occasion was. She pulled away and said that she had a gyno appointment. My fiancée will clean up for the gyno, but not for me. FML

#1358380
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50338) - you deserved it (9598)

On 04/26/2009 at 3:15pm - love - by jimboxo (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my grandma and I were watching the Ranger's playoff game. As Henrik Lundqvist received a standing ovation from the crowd after blocking 38 shots, she says to me, "Check out his equipment!" My 80-year old grandma just commented on Henrik Lundqvist's package. FML

#1241991
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35842) - you deserved it (4398)

On 04/22/2009 at 9:46pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, was my birthday. I purposely didn't log onto facebook all day so that I could read all my birthday wishes at once. When I logged on at the end of the day I had one notification. My "friend" had commented on a picture of me, saying I looked like jabba the hut. FML

#1225689
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68332) - you deserved it (8518)

On 04/22/2009 at 3:42pm - misc - by happybirthday (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: