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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I found out my mom paid my best friend $20 to be my friend when we were 10. FML

#2699534
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (127793) - you deserved it (7039)

On 06/07/2009 at 7:15pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

#2695663
442 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25220) - you deserved it (55085)

On 06/07/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Jebus (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, at the local swimming pool, my friend and I noticed two cute guys had just arrived. When they jumped in, we immediately took off our tank tops and got in the opposite end. They looked over at us, then looked at each other, got out of the pool and left. FML

#2428184
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40527) - you deserved it (14165)

On 05/30/2009 at 9:45am - misc - by yumx24 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my last task for the day as a high school janitor was to power-wash the concrete area where the graduation ceremony will take place. Tired and bored, I drew a huge penis with the power hose. Right before I was going to wash it off, the machine broke. Graduation is tomorrow. FML

#2350763
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16540) - you deserved it (68309)

On 05/27/2009 at 7:10pm - work - by waterproblem (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58338) - you deserved it (7460)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

#2271321
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78546) - you deserved it (4840)

On 05/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

#2235853
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54578) - you deserved it (4143)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43561) - you deserved it (2277)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

#2158640
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57919) - you deserved it (3648)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19590) - you deserved it (69969)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48274) - you deserved it (3115)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

#2112917
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44170) - you deserved it (15728)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58537) - you deserved it (4663)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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