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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58242) - you deserved it (7455)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

#2271321
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78422) - you deserved it (4828)

On 05/25/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

#2235853
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54461) - you deserved it (4137)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

#2189691
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43482) - you deserved it (2273)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:25pm - misc - by stillhungry (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I kissed my husband and said "I love you." Thats when our 5 year old son said to my husband "How can you love her so much if she's so ugly?" FML

#2158640
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57823) - you deserved it (3641)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boss came storming towards me, screaming just how tired she is with my constant bullshit. Already pissed off, I retorted that she's a bitch and should go lose some pounds. Turns out she was talking to her husband on her bluetooth headset. FML

#2147248
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19556) - you deserved it (69891)

On 05/21/2009 at 3:16pm - work - by unemployed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my parents bought me a wine glass with "Who needs a man?" painted all over it. Cute, until after dinner my mom looked me in the eyes and asked with complete sincerity, "Kara, are you gay?" My parents tried to get me to come out. I'm straight. FML

#2140497
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48186) - you deserved it (3112)

On 05/21/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by pa (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

#2112917
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44090) - you deserved it (15700)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I realized that my father's weekly unemployment check is more than my bi-weekly pay check. My full time job pays less than my father's unemployment. FML

#2015080
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58464) - you deserved it (4657)

On 05/17/2009 at 1:42pm - money - by thatsucks (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

#2002110
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45674) - you deserved it (11722)

On 05/17/2009 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61873) - you deserved it (5790)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a really bad day at work and the only thing that was getting me through the day was the idea of taking a nice, hot, relaxing bath. When I got to my front door there was a shut off notice from the gas company. I won't be taking any hot baths until I come up with the $500 bill. FML

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

#1870667
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65222) - you deserved it (3755)

On 05/12/2009 at 11:22am - love - by badboyfriend101 - United States (Pennsylvania)



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