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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, it was my first day at my new school. I've never been the new girl before, so I asked my best friend for advice. She said, "Whatever you do, do not, under any circumstances, be yourself." FML

#21029148
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43161) - you deserved it (4953)

On 01/15/2014 at 8:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21025933
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (37574)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML

#21024822
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53718) - you deserved it (6343)

On 01/11/2014 at 7:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

#21018283
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38946) - you deserved it (6228)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by frozen solid - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42773) - you deserved it (4242)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38242) - you deserved it (2911)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got my period, and had to rush to my parents' bathroom for some pads. They'd put all our wrapped presents in their bathroom. As I was looking, my dad thought I was opening presents and barged in, only to see me with my pants around my ankles. Now he won't stop laughing. FML

#21003547
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38121) - you deserved it (3137)

On 12/24/2013 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my husband and I were fighting over money. As we were arguing, our 13 year old daughter stole $250 dollars from my purse. FML

#21002634
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40956) - you deserved it (12910)

On 12/23/2013 at 4:10pm - money - by rainastartree - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

#21000427
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32711) - you deserved it (7097)

On 12/21/2013 at 4:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while looking for some socks in my mom's dresser, I found a male g-string and an edible bra. FML

#20996935
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37375) - you deserved it (14296)

On 12/18/2013 at 12:47pm - intimacy - by Rob (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me via Facebook. I cared more about the spelling mistakes he made than the actual message. FML

#20994896
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35257) - you deserved it (10067)

On 12/16/2013 at 5:43pm - love - by dana (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend randomly decided to let me know that he believes there's really no such thing as cheating, unless both partners explicitly agree that the relationship is monogamous. And no, he wouldn't agree that ours is. FML

#20991424
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40203) - you deserved it (4379)

On 12/13/2013 at 4:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

#20988723
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36402) - you deserved it (2022)

On 12/11/2013 at 6:58am - misc - by a.white - United States (Pennsylvania)



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