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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

#18423886
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37615) - you deserved it (2392)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's the second week into my new neighbors' routine. He works nights, she works days. He likes to blast out Slayer and Napalm Death all day, she likes to drunkenly sing out of tune to Adele all night. I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. FML

#18353086
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26113) - you deserved it (2051)

On 11/26/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Help - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

#18184829
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33253) - you deserved it (2753)

On 11/07/2011 at 3:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

#18123413
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35929) - you deserved it (5013)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:18pm - kids - by VladyBoi (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé and I got married. We both promised to remain abstinent until our wedding day. She's on her period. FML

#18117360
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45275) - you deserved it (8901)

On 10/31/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Andrew - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20006) - you deserved it (33292)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was chaperoning at my local high school's Homecoming dance. Outside the gym, I saw some kids drinking, so I walked over to stop them. One of them promptly spun around and punched me in the mouth. I had my ass handed to by a drunk 9th grader. FML

#18034298
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24229) - you deserved it (5576)

On 10/20/2011 at 9:17pm - misc - by smeeagain - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while leaving a football game, I saw a half-empty bottle of Mountain Dew on the ground. It was night-time and there weren't many people around, so for a laugh, I picked it up and tossed it behind me as hard as I could. It hit someone. FML

#18008863
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6787) - you deserved it (47803)

On 10/17/2011 at 6:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37700) - you deserved it (2345)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother handed me a sandwich that I'd asked him to make for me. Halfway through eating the sandwich, he started laughing hysterically. I still don't know what was in it. FML

#17823625
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27085) - you deserved it (6547)

On 09/24/2011 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

#17782982
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24466) - you deserved it (4374)

On 09/19/2011 at 8:20pm - love - by Tech Savvy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my school is having their homecoming, and it seems everyone but me has someone to go with. My best friend has her boyfriend, my brother has a date, and I have my hamster. FML

#17648334
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25242) - you deserved it (6228)

On 09/02/2011 at 10:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

#17646578
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19464) - you deserved it (4433)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:53pm - work - by whattalife (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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