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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

#19389998
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9430) - you deserved it (21753)

On 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Zack - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16690) - you deserved it (30050)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

#19372815
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11159) - you deserved it (19867)

On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

#19343817
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37525) - you deserved it (2480)

On 03/25/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by ohno - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

#19321337
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22163) - you deserved it (2818)

On 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

#19200358
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (24684)

On 03/02/2012 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42385) - you deserved it (3720)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

#18946444
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21497) - you deserved it (9635)

On 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm - health - by Rachal - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

#18930707
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (4454)

On 01/28/2012 at 12:58am - money - by INeedMoney - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was singing the National Anthem at a school game and totally forgot the words. So I kept singing the same two lines over and over. FML

#18788734
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13798) - you deserved it (29076)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was taking a shower at the gym when hearing a loud popping noise. Surprised and startled, I jumped and slipped, hitting my head against the shower wall that left a small gash. The pop noise was just someone blowing bubbles from their gum. FML

#18685052
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20704) - you deserved it (4983)

On 01/02/2012 at 10:38am - misc - by Anon O'Mous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother got incredibly drunk. She told me that only "sluts and whores" shave their pubes. She then told me that she's never once trimmed or shaved her pubes, because she's "moral." Thanks for that mental image, mom. FML

#18641701
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you deserved it (2633)

On 12/29/2011 at 3:16am - intimacy - by Grossed Out (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to share a car with my dad and stepmother. My stepmother managed to get hammered at lunch and spent the hour-long car trip drunkenly mistaking the heating controls for the radio. FML

#18599124
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18648) - you deserved it (1896)

On 12/24/2011 at 3:04pm - misc - by ambled - United States (Pennsylvania)



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