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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, I discovered that my three-year-old daughter has mastered the art of pickpocketing. While I was driving to work this morning, my car broke down. I reached in my pocket to call AAA on my cell, only to find her squirt gun in its place. FML

#19612373
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17985) - you deserved it (2193)

On 05/12/2012 at 4:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I walked in on my new puppy peeing on the carpet. The trainer had told me to punish her when she's bad by shaking a metal can of pennies at her, since the noise scares dogs. I shook it at her, and she responded by having explosive diarrhea all over the carpet in fright. FML

#19578544
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15310) - you deserved it (27024)

On 05/05/2012 at 7:07pm - animals - by doggone - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I fell and hit my head on hard concrete. When I went to the emergency room for a CT Scan, the nurse hit me in the head with an IV pole. FML

#19540770
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23918) - you deserved it (1699)

On 04/28/2012 at 2:52am - health - by mark807 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after years of waiting, I finally got to meet the band whose music got me through one of the hardest times I have ever experienced. When I turned down the lead singer for sex, they told me to leave. FML

#19470804
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30403) - you deserved it (11871)

On 04/15/2012 at 3:03am - intimacy - by bummed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I picked up my daughter from preschool. Her teacher handed me her nap blankets and mentioned there was an extra article of clothing I might want to take home. I looked in-between the blankets and saw a pair of my giant granny panties that had gotten mixed in with her stuff. FML

#19462191
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14853) - you deserved it (3390)

On 04/13/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my sister gave me a makeover. I protested, but she insisted it'd look great. After an eternity of eyebrow plucking, she handed me the mirror. I now have extremely badly-drawn sharpie eyebrows. FML

#19417641
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19687) - you deserved it (5262)

On 04/06/2012 at 1:11pm - misc - by nobrows (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to shuffling noises coming from downstairs. Suspecting the worst, I jumped out of bed, and whispered over my shoulder for my girlfriend to stay quiet. Only after going downstairs and taking a swing in the dark with my bat did I figure out it was just my girlfriend foraging for snacks. FML

#19389998
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8939) - you deserved it (20534)

On 04/01/2012 at 5:36pm - misc - by Zack - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

#19387601
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15717) - you deserved it (28880)

On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I felt manly. I spent almost the entire day peeling paint, power sanding, and applying Spackle for my grandma. Strutting with masculinity, I headed for the shower, only to let out a womanly yelp at a spider hanging at eye level around a corner. Manliness gone. FML

#19372815
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9961) - you deserved it (18002)

On 03/29/2012 at 9:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML

#19343817
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35926) - you deserved it (2342)

On 03/25/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by ohno - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

#19321337
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21034) - you deserved it (2697)

On 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family made a fake boyfriend for me on Facebook, since it's been so long since I had one. I accepted the relationship request to try and trick people into thinking I actually had a boyfriend. FML

#19200358
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8269) - you deserved it (23326)

On 03/02/2012 at 12:35am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, our school chorus went to a senior citizens' home. An elderly lady died during my solo. FML

#18964784
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (3580)

On 01/31/2012 at 10:34pm - misc - by sorrygrandma - United States (Pennsylvania)



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