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FMLs submitted from Pennsylvania

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

#21525176
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11272) - you deserved it (1295)

On 02/11/2016 at 1:59pm - intimacy - by CmS_1733 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my aunt informed me that my dad thinks my boyfriend is a loser deadbeat because he hasn't proposed to me after two years of dating and co-habitation. He hasn't asked because I already made it very clear I have no interest in marriage. FML

#21524771
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16932) - you deserved it (3768)

On 02/10/2016 at 10:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML

#21518868
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24177) - you deserved it (1969)

On 01/24/2016 at 12:10pm - health - by fuckoffgramps (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

#21518334
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21843) - you deserved it (2450)

On 01/22/2016 at 8:56pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I got locked out of my house. After trying unsuccessfully to jimmy the lock, I managed to climb in through the kitchen window. I soon found out I had an effect on the door after all; it won't open at all any more, even with the right key. FML

#21518195
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15773) - you deserved it (5095)

On 01/22/2016 at 2:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, two teen girls got into a shouting match at the table next to mine at the food court. Sensing a fight brewing, I got up to leave. I stood up just in time for one of the girls to throw her tray, which missed her target and hit me in the head. FML

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

#21517709
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21296) - you deserved it (1546)

On 01/21/2016 at 8:08am - misc - by ur_life_dus_suck - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally went to the doctor's office to have a small patch of acne on my stomach looked at. Since it was in an almost perfect circle and abnormally sensitive, I was worried it could be ringworm or some other sort of skin infection. It turned out to be an infection alright. Herpes. FML

#21515040
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21861) - you deserved it (3877)

On 01/14/2016 at 1:17am - health - by ringrash - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

#21514315
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20349) - you deserved it (6517)

On 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my dad sat me and my sister down and give us a "talk". More like an angry irrational rant. He forbade us from being gay, marrying a Muslim or a black person, demanded kids from both of us, and threatened to disown us if we didn't. Where's my free will? FML

#21511511
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22370) - you deserved it (2013)

On 01/04/2016 at 7:21pm - misc - by this is impossible (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at work, a grocery store, and my manager came up to me while I was on my lunch break. He told me that a customer said someone in the parking lot had been loitering around the cars. I went outside to investigate and saw a drunk man pooping on the front of a car. That car was mine. FML

#21511086
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19855) - you deserved it (1166)

On 01/03/2016 at 6:00pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

#21510463
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20562) - you deserved it (1646)

On 01/02/2016 at 12:17am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

#21509850
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20444) - you deserved it (6607)

On 12/31/2015 at 5:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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