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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22063) - you deserved it (3049)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (2838)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25341) - you deserved it (9457)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25418) - you deserved it (1981)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

#19386625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6101) - you deserved it (24670)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

#19324398
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21885) - you deserved it (4977)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13598) - you deserved it (28246)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21096) - you deserved it (26589)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24110) - you deserved it (3124)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25308) - you deserved it (2387)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

#18961286
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (2671)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:17pm - health - by louie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

#18902746
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (2128)

On 01/24/2012 at 9:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

#18825467
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22938) - you deserved it (3756)

On 01/16/2012 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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