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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21071) - you deserved it (26557)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24067) - you deserved it (3121)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24934) - you deserved it (2358)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

#18961286
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (2670)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:17pm - health - by louie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

#18902746
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21643) - you deserved it (2110)

On 01/24/2012 at 9:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

#18825467
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22889) - you deserved it (3754)

On 01/16/2012 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

#18693659
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33860) - you deserved it (5265)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Cpt Colin (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29683) - you deserved it (4596)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom was feeling down because of her gray hairs. In an attempt to cheer her up, I suggested that she dye them. Her hair turned orange. FML

#18569978
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21945) - you deserved it (4913)

On 12/21/2011 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

#18512301
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6939) - you deserved it (30284)

On 12/14/2011 at 4:21pm - work - by sharon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text that said, "I can't be seen with you anymore. You're too fat." FML

#18508654
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32695) - you deserved it (10945)

On 12/14/2011 at 12:42am - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

#18474443
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22787) - you deserved it (2846)

On 12/10/2011 at 5:14am - misc - by dee - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my boyfriend is cheating on me with a woman twice my age. I'm 32. FML

#18353006
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48388) - you deserved it (3522)

On 11/26/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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