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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7857) - you deserved it (40916)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

#19596569
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19401) - you deserved it (5286)

On 05/09/2012 at 7:03am - misc - by klynn267 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML

#19475890
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22009) - you deserved it (3044)

On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21653) - you deserved it (2788)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25286) - you deserved it (9448)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25333) - you deserved it (1978)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

#19386625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6087) - you deserved it (24616)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

#19324398
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21476) - you deserved it (4906)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13551) - you deserved it (28185)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21049) - you deserved it (26540)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24033) - you deserved it (3112)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24911) - you deserved it (2356)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

#18961286
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26542) - you deserved it (2668)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:17pm - health - by louie (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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