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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughingstock of my social circle. FML

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

#20016767
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26935) - you deserved it (2312)

On 08/12/2012 at 11:49am - love - by jake (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22576) - you deserved it (2894)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

#20001682
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14743) - you deserved it (19163)

On 08/04/2012 at 2:56am - misc - by alyssabree42 - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

#19983667
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26203) - you deserved it (2106)

On 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm - kids - by madmomma - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

#19962660
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21252) - you deserved it (1690)

On 07/20/2012 at 3:58am - misc - by Grrr (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad was helping my fiancé and me move. On the way, someone sideswiped the trailer. When the police came, we found my dad had a suspended license, no insurance, and a broken tail light. No one else could drive a manual, so we were stuck in a parking lot for 3 hours. Thanks, dad. FML

#19882895
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16831) - you deserved it (4973)

On 07/02/2012 at 9:20pm - misc - by thanksdad (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

#19870178
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21722) - you deserved it (2910)

On 06/30/2012 at 4:10am - misc - by audreyav - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML

#19867923
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25158) - you deserved it (4178)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm - health - by fuckjuggalos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had my blood drawn for a lab test. I was then given a container so I could give a urine sample. In the middle of peeing, I got woozy, started blacking out, and hit my head against the wall. A nurse discovered me with my pants down. FML

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

#19756804
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22784) - you deserved it (1700)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up from a sexy dream about my boyfriend. Too bad I'd fallen asleep in my living room with my whole family over, grandma included. They were all staring. I'd been sleep humping and moaning. FML

#19749862
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34069) - you deserved it (5807)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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