Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, my neighbor's daughter started learning how to play the trombone. FML

#20857611
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41761) - you deserved it (4921)

On 08/28/2013 at 6:33am - kids - by Alice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

#20847659
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45556) - you deserved it (5438)

On 08/21/2013 at 10:08am - misc - by shut_up (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

#20803187
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44883) - you deserved it (3429)

On 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked this really cute girl for her number. I had nothing else on me so I told her to write it on a dollar bill. Later, without thinking, I put it in a vending machine. I freaked out and frantically pushed the return button. It gave me back quarters. FML

Today, at work, a woman came up to the snack bar and ordered a pretzel with no salt. When I served her the food, she angrily complained about it having no salt, followed by her throwing the whole thing in my face. FML

#20794141
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47157) - you deserved it (3197)

On 07/20/2013 at 1:47pm - work - by YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THE CUSTOMER (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to break up a fist fight between two female residents. I work in a retirement home. FML

#20791178
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42954) - you deserved it (3189)

On 07/18/2013 at 9:03pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were furniture shopping. They had miniature versions built of some of the desks. He commented how they were "cute for little kids" to use. They were 6 inches tall. I had to explain to him that they were only models, not real desks. I'm dating Zoolander. FML

#20782878
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37195) - you deserved it (4730)

On 07/14/2013 at 9:07pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my manager made me remove an Eiffel Tower ornament from one of my displays. Not because it didn't look good or match the theme, but because it was "disrespectful" to have it out on the 4th of July. FML

#20763233
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41877) - you deserved it (7789)

On 07/04/2013 at 9:13am - work - by unpatriotic (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up from an extremely intense and pleasurable wet dream. This wouldn't have been bad, had it not been about Velveeta cheese. FML

#20762710
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47282) - you deserved it (9355)

On 07/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by idk ask freud - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45294) - you deserved it (21607)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my fiancé paid a visit to my parents so he could ask my dad's permission to marry me. My dad responded with, "Why buy the cow when you can milk it for free?" FML

#20757403
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51422) - you deserved it (4324)

On 07/01/2013 at 2:38am - love - by Gracie-Ann (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was looking forward to my only day to sleep-in this month while I'm balancing school and work. I was rudely awakened at 6 am by my sister and her friend trying to make pancakes, burning them, and setting off the fire alarm in my house for half an hour. FML

#20720351
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43082) - you deserved it (2738)

On 06/11/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Elephant1718 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (85372) - you deserved it (5842)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: