FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

by konacoffee17 / 12/14/2014 at 12:15am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML

by sickyandiknowit / 11/08/2014 at 2:36am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 11:28pm / United States (Oregon) / Geek

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

by gracewinchester / 10/10/2014 at 2:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

by Eww / 10/05/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I found out that when I asked my buddy to make sure my girlfriend was safe while I was abroad, he really did; he even used a condom. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

by Need Clothes Now / 09/21/2014 at 11:51am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

by lolwut / 09/11/2014 at 2:33am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

by mlustpdx / 09/04/2014 at 1:47pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

by Anonymous / 08/30/2014 at 11:14am / United States (Oregon) / Work