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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML

#21206318
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45458) - you deserved it (8484)

On 07/11/2014 at 7:38pm - animals - by and god shat (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML

#21202372
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41654) - you deserved it (3011)

On 07/08/2014 at 12:26am - work - by MaddyN - United States (Oregon)

Today, my sweet 7-month-old puppy ran up to a big fat dog at the park and did what she always does: roll over on her back to start to play. The big fat dog lifted his leg and peed all over my puppy's belly. After the shock, my soaking wet puppy jumped on me. FML

#21188726
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47878) - you deserved it (5384)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:57am - animals - by Pisser (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I returned home after a four day weekend at my parents' house. Upon entering by the front door, a horrid stench assaulted my nose. Hours later I still cannot find the source of the foul odor. I'm starting to wonder if this is how it's always smelled without my knowing. FML

#21168914
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38773) - you deserved it (6438)

On 06/09/2014 at 10:46pm - misc - by Where is it coming from?! (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

#21164174
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22099) - you deserved it (39744)

On 06/05/2014 at 6:23pm - misc - by charitableidiot (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57257) - you deserved it (7378)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a bee flew into my classroom and landed on my cheek. Not only am I allergic to these things, I was hit in the face with a textbook to "make sure it's dead." FML

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

#21097210
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41411) - you deserved it (3153)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm - animals - by In urgent need of a new roommate - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four ½ hours of work wasted. FML

#21083869
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39329) - you deserved it (9810)

On 03/11/2014 at 9:01am - work - by IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had my first job interview after three years of unemployment. I was so happy that I broke down into tears the moment I saw the interviewer. Great first impression. FML

#21083095
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39651) - you deserved it (6175)

On 03/10/2014 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45820) - you deserved it (4882)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

#21032010
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39101) - you deserved it (4334)

On 01/18/2014 at 6:09pm - misc - by cjgreer70 - United States (Oregon)



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