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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

#923154
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124911) - you deserved it (6936)

On 04/12/2009 at 6:47am - misc - by Aprilfools (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

#849037
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55267) - you deserved it (8875)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)

Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML

#683803
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63889) - you deserved it (23703)

On 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by Hotsauce887 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went swimming. As I was getting out of the very crowded pool a little girl ran up to me pointed and yelled, "Mommy, I want big boobies like that when I grow up." I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#522932
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71567) - you deserved it (23284)

On 03/22/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by joshinbaltimore (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

#491409
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (130101) - you deserved it (6350)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by Cindy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

#415584
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68861) - you deserved it (6908)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediately ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML

#391986
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (176181) - you deserved it (34476)

On 03/16/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by ihatevideos (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML

#346119
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (112814) - you deserved it (15904)

On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I arrived at work only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. 5 hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

#256549
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66996) - you deserved it (2289)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:35pm - work - by Jong (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

#228831
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72093) - you deserved it (4771)

On 03/06/2009 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by Kathrynn (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was working at Chuck-E-Cheese. If that isn't enough, I was put in the mouse costume. Due to the disgusting hot smell and atmosphere in the costume, I fainted in front of a birthday party. I awoke to a little boy screaming who then kicked me in the face and ran. FML

#214939
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50141) - you deserved it (3899)

On 03/05/2009 at 2:14am - work - by Shell (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in the fitting room at Old Navy, a customer asked me if we sold Calvin Klein jeans. I replied "no ma'am, this isn't a department store, we only sell Old Navy jeans." She left, and complained to my manager, who informed me that "the customer is always right." FML

#199047
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64004) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/03/2009 at 7:18pm - work - by samantha (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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