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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

#170541
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57252) - you deserved it (2169)

On 03/01/2009 at 1:37pm - misc - by Friendly (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

#168522
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54905) - you deserved it (4247)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Elis (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81432) - you deserved it (13973)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was at the school's rec center, working out for the first time in a while. While there, there was this very mysteriously attractive girl who kept shooting me glances. I asked for her number and she responded by saying "if you can lift this same weight as me". I couldn't. FML

#157992
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37406) - you deserved it (11590)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03am - misc - by caswell 1 (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

#29434
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10257) - you deserved it (120512)

On 02/12/2009 at 1:00am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I received a packet of papers in the mail by the state suing me for child support. I am 22 and still a virgin. FML

#24806
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59436) - you deserved it (3061)

On 02/11/2009 at 10:51am - misc - by Distressed (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML

#11602
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10974) - you deserved it (44663)

On 02/06/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a woman walked out of the Humane Society with a cat carrier. I said, "Oh did you adopt him?" She walked past and started crying. She had just brought her cat in to be euthanized. FML

#6800
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19155) - you deserved it (7391)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:19pm - animals - by Ves (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, it's my birthday. My wife gave me a card saying "You made it to 36!". It's my 35th birthday. FML

#4884
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (1915)

On 02/01/2009 at 5:47pm - love - by Chakkamofo - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18775) - you deserved it (36478)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13535) - you deserved it (69132)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)



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