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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

#3981210
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16124) - you deserved it (40030)

On 07/23/2009 at 3:43pm - animals - by emmey (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was babysitting a little girl down the street. She pulled out her 'memory box', which contained many childhood treasures. After pulling out a variety of dresses and baby pictures, she says, "... and here's my belly button!" and plops an umbilical chord in my hands. FML

#3840283
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49019) - you deserved it (3204)

On 07/17/2009 at 8:12pm - kids - by heresmybellybotton (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out the real cause of my dog's illness that she had just recovered from. When my sister took her in to see the vet, the vet said my dog was constipated, and swallowed something orange. That orange thing happened to be my favorite thong. FML

#3818838
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34565) - you deserved it (5578)

On 07/17/2009 at 12:02am - animals - by orangethonglover (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML

#3718227
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50504) - you deserved it (20484)

On 07/13/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by Solemnwishing (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up finding myself violently humping my pillow. My mom recorded it. FML

#3474895
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62900) - you deserved it (12213)

On 07/04/2009 at 4:58am - intimacy - by R_U_CEREAL (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I met with a friend who had gained some weight since I saw him last. After a friendly hug, I put my hand on his new man boob and, without thinking, left it there way too long. I realized that I was groping him and, in a panic, did the only thing I could think of. I patted it. Twice. FML

#3373378
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15677) - you deserved it (50029)

On 06/30/2009 at 6:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

#3143801
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43274) - you deserved it (3363)

On 06/23/2009 at 11:47am - misc - by stew (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49573) - you deserved it (2939)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was smoking in my car and flicked the butt... into the face of a cop on a motorcycle going the other way. FML

#2846826
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10674) - you deserved it (70185)

On 06/13/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to give blood for the second time. I felt excrutiating pain when she stuck the needle in my arm. Another nurse came running over in a panic. Apparently my inexperienced nurse had put it in my tendon instead of my vein. FML

#2363233
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63292) - you deserved it (2481)

On 05/28/2009 at 12:19am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

#2341558
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48600) - you deserved it (6770)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

#2264507
401 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35656) - you deserved it (54149)

On 05/25/2009 at 1:39am - love - by downer (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

#2071400
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45658) - you deserved it (7285)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:19am - animals - by Tcake (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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