FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

by lastalittlelonger / 12/05/2009 at 4:07am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I bought $300 worth of climbing equipment because I had lost mine six months ago, I hadn't gone to the climbing gym since I'd lost it. I went today because I was so excited to go climbing again. However, it turns out that I'd left my gear there, and it had been in the Lost and Found for the past six months. FML

by MitchellSully / 12/03/2009 at 12:18am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my family went to the Christmas tree farm, and cut down the perfect tree. When we got home we put the kids down for a nap and took some time to relax. We went out to the truck to bring the tree into the house, it was gone. Someone stole my Christmas tree from my driveway in broad daylight. FML

by Project-Mayhem / 12/02/2009 at 5:57am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I hit a parked car. It happened to be my driving instructor's car. While he was instructing me, sitting in the passenger seat. I don't think I'll pass. FML

by badDriver / 11/28/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, when putting something away on a high shelf, something small and black fell down my cleavage. I thought nothing of it and finished the task at hand. When I pulled out the neck of my shirt later to find it and looked down, glaring up at me from my boobs was a large, disgruntled spider. FML

by Arachnaphobic / 11/22/2009 at 3:35am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML

by Fail / 11/21/2009 at 12:59am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML

by Sam_Licker81 / 11/19/2009 at 11:41am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was having trouble blowing out the last of the several candles on my bedside table. Exasperated, I blew as hard as I could, which sent hot wax from the other candles shooting into the air, all over my face and into my eyes. FML

by shiiiiit / 11/15/2009 at 4:23am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

by Volume_control / 11/10/2009 at 9:41am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

by whysheheartless / 11/03/2009 at 2:24am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

by Anonymous / 10/28/2009 at 4:03am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I got my tax return. I was really excited. Turns out the government does take the time to send out a tax return for $1.36. FML

by nicolo / 10/27/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Oregon) / Money