FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML

by whymomwhy / 07/11/2015 at 1:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father lectured me for dating a man with "no future". even though he's entering a PhD program next year at a top university. Meanwhile, my dad's last relationship was with a 20-year-old hooker who ended up stealing his credit cards. FML

by WayToGoDaddyHo / 07/08/2015 at 2:17am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my idiot boss placed an expensive order for anti-bullying banners that read: "Take a stand against bullying!" This would be fine if I didn't work in a specialized school for children in wheelchairs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2015 at 5:29am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 4:55am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML

by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mother-in-law trying to plant a GPS tracker on my car. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2015 at 1:08am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting to surprise him when he got home from work. I was laying in his bed when he called to tell me we were over. I couldn't leave before he got home. FML

by canessadawn / 06/17/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my crazy neighbor screamed at me from her porch for walking "too close" to her plants. I was on the sidewalk. She sprayed me with her hose anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 11:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate was making a waterproof iPhone case and decided to use my phone to test it out. It didn't work. FML

by Crombinator / 05/01/2015 at 1:30am / United States (Oregon) / Geek

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

by unprofessional / 04/13/2015 at 1:20am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

by tumbleshay / 03/20/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

by probably not getting the job / 03/09/2015 at 1:44am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids