FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

by Chichensoup / 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

by BluBaller / 04/06/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, after finishing the laundry, I took clothes out of the dryer and took a big whiff of their delicious clean scent. That was when I noticed that my mom was watching me, and I had just smelled my dad's still-stained underwear that was on top. FML

by smellsgood / 03/13/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

by me / 03/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

by theholt / 03/01/2010 at 12:23am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I was walking around my new school trying to figure out where to go. Then I realized I was talking to myself. Out loud. FML

by itsawonderfulife / 02/23/2010 at 1:25am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy I'd been seeing off and on for the past three years broke things off over a Facebook message. I replied, and told him that I was at least worth a phone call. He replied "Well, I'm sorry, I disagree." FML

by notworthit / 02/22/2010 at 7:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I got stuck in my apartment's garbage chute. FML

by AwwChute / 02/20/2010 at 8:53pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got banned from my boyfriend's house for being an "insurance liability." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2010 at 10:06pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my roommate will fall asleep to Muppet Treasure Island. We sleep 3 feet away from each other and he has been doing this since Christmas. FML

by Oze / 02/18/2010 at 4:48am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got my new work schedule. I really need the hours. The boss says he can't give me more because the economy is bad. However, he did find enough hours to hire his son last week. This week? Most of my hours were erased and given to the new employee; his daughter. FML

by suuuucks / 02/11/2010 at 12:03am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

by snickerdoodles / 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

by Unknown / 02/09/2010 at 12:50am / United States (Oregon) / Love