Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I got my new work schedule. I really need the hours. The boss says he can't give me more because the economy is bad. However, he did find enough hours to hire his son last week. This week? Most of my hours were erased and given to the new employee; his daughter. FML

#8116089
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25637) - you deserved it (1853)

On 02/11/2010 at 12:03am - work - by suuuucks (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was in class and noticed that it smelled strongly of cat urine. I smelled my shoulder and realized that my cat had peed on my sweater. I had six hours of classes left, and the smell had permeated my shirt. FML

#8094791
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21038) - you deserved it (5389)

On 02/10/2010 at 4:19pm - animals - by snickerdoodles (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, in art class, I tried to attract my crush's attention by slowly sitting down in front of him. Too bad I missed the chair and fell onto the floor. FML

#8038952
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8510) - you deserved it (29892)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:50am - love - by Unknown (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

#7946141
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8936) - you deserved it (18581)

On 02/06/2010 at 7:17pm - intimacy - by Sully (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22079) - you deserved it (3065)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was watching a horror movie with my girlfriend. Suddenly, the killer jumped on screen. My girlfriend screamed. I peed myself. FML

#7736774
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32176) - you deserved it (12351)

On 01/31/2010 at 5:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

#7642082
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27934) - you deserved it (3342)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:55pm - kids - by jmitch1209 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I broke my dominant hand. My teacher insists we hand-write our essays. I called and asked if it was okay for me to type up the essays. She said no. I have two essays due tomorrow, which count for half my grade. FML

#7545695
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29346) - you deserved it (3055)

On 01/24/2010 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML

#7467261
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26303) - you deserved it (5436)

On 01/21/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Alicia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him to watch porn, so I confronted him. He was masturbating to professional Women's tennis. FML

#7447854
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10847) - you deserved it (20696)

On 01/19/2010 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by sportyhusband (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49978) - you deserved it (7893)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

#7390490
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4589) - you deserved it (62280)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:25am - misc - by ow (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got called into work and I was really excited to earn some extra money. One block from getting there I get pulled over. Apparently my tags were expired, and there goes half a weeks pay. FML

#7372810
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8018) - you deserved it (22778)

On 01/16/2010 at 2:22am - money - by bankergirl (woman) - United States (Oregon)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: