FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I was slapped by a fourteen-year-old girl because I was apparently "stealing her boyfriend." I'm twenty-five, and her boyfriend is my nephew. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 8:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

by unhappy wifey / 09/28/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, my ex dropped by to pick up a piece of art he'd left when I threw him out a month ago. While here, he visited the restroom. Tonight, my shampoo smelled like urine. And he called at 11pm to say he'd ''rubbed one out'' on my new boyfriend's toothbrush. FML

by red / 09/27/2012 at 7:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my new husband is expecting two children: ours, due in January, and our 16-year-old neighbor's, due in March. FML

by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was out drinking with some friends in a Safeway parking lot, when I saw a familiar-looking vehicle pull up beside us. It was my dad, who angrily got out and demanded that I come home. I'm twenty-four, and now the laughing stock of my social circle. FML

by luvonsarah / 08/14/2012 at 1:27pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

by jake / 08/12/2012 at 11:49am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

by banana2894 / 08/10/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

by alyssabree42 / 08/04/2012 at 2:56am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

by madmomma / 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, I was walking in my apartment when I felt something stab my foot. Thinking it was a piece of glass, I looked down. It was one of my roommate's toenail clippings. FML

by Grrr / 07/20/2012 at 3:58am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad was helping my fiancé and me move. On the way, someone sideswiped the trailer. When the police came, we found my dad had a suspended license, no insurance, and a broken tail light. No one else could drive a manual, so we were stuck in a parking lot for 3 hours. Thanks, dad. FML

by thanksdad / 07/02/2012 at 9:20pm / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals