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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

#19420355
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25604) - you deserved it (9494)

On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27494) - you deserved it (2149)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML

#19386625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6693) - you deserved it (26361)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was waiting for a call from a job I had applied for. When the phone rang, I ran as fast I could up the stairs, falling and slamming my shin on the way. The call? It was a woman asking me, "Hi, do you have time to learn about our lord Jesus Christ?" FML

#19324398
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (5189)

On 03/22/2012 at 12:56am - work - by Atheist (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was masturbating, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure. It was my neighbor staring at me through the window with a total look of disgust. I moved in this weekend and hadn't yet introduced myself to her. FML

#19277377
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13747) - you deserved it (28477)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21714) - you deserved it (27420)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26120) - you deserved it (3324)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, my mom friended all my friends on Facebook then thought it'd be a good idea to try and act like a teen so she'd be considered 'cool'. FML

#18989889
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25553) - you deserved it (2403)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:13am - misc - by lrgenesis - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

#18961286
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27450) - you deserved it (2739)

On 01/31/2012 at 3:17pm - health - by louie (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the office tough guy learned how to use the fire extinguisher. On me. I wasn't on fire. FML

#18902746
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22156) - you deserved it (2150)

On 01/24/2012 at 9:58pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

#18825467
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24476) - you deserved it (3902)

On 01/16/2012 at 3:02pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

#18693659
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34204) - you deserved it (5299)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:17am - intimacy - by Cpt Colin (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31465) - you deserved it (4748)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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