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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I flew across country to college. My luggage did not. FML

#21262400
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34078) - you deserved it (2797)

On 09/21/2014 at 11:51am - misc - by Need Clothes Now (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

#21256116
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42723) - you deserved it (15652)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:33am - misc - by lolwut - United States (Oregon)

Today, my cat decided to use my bowl of rice krispies as his litter box. FML

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

#21250496
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36039) - you deserved it (3241)

On 09/02/2014 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I saw a customer wandering around, looking confused. I went over and kindly asked if I could help him find anything. He said no, but that he'd help me find the teeth he'd knock out of my mouth if I didn't get lost. FML

#21248418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (2731)

On 08/30/2014 at 11:14am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my brother thought jumping out and punching me in the stomach would cure my hiccups. Yeah. Didn't work. FML

#21246592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32739) - you deserved it (2725)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:56pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

#21241441
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42212) - you deserved it (5414)

On 08/20/2014 at 2:07am - intimacy - by Mia (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

#21239690
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37623) - you deserved it (6320)

On 08/17/2014 at 11:19am - misc - by Etrius (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to awkwardly grab my pink dildo after my husband's friend asked what it was that my dog was chewing on. FML

Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

#21236078
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26385) - you deserved it (19123)

On 08/12/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by bademployee (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38665) - you deserved it (6704)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

#21218609
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40049) - you deserved it (4513)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too nice. Apparently, me being nice to him makes him feel guilty. FML

#21212029
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42172) - you deserved it (4000)

On 07/17/2014 at 4:48pm - love - by toonice - United States (Oregon)



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