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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

#21519668
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19797) - you deserved it (1464)

On 01/26/2016 at 1:09pm - kids - by justsomesummer (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, after much reflection, I realized my "happy childhood" was more like "the years I was oblivious to how much people despised me." FML

#21510381
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20052) - you deserved it (1947)

On 01/01/2016 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

#21501232
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21589) - you deserved it (1861)

On 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

#21500213
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21938) - you deserved it (1598)

On 12/04/2015 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I completed my two-month internship, where I have been working as hard as I could with the hope of being hired. My boss couldn't remember my name, and declined to be a reference. FML

#21499584
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19126) - you deserved it (1329)

On 12/03/2015 at 4:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, as I tried to parallel park at a busy spot downtown, a group of teens jumped in front of my car and started a slow clap. FML

#21482971
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21659) - you deserved it (2667)

On 10/22/2015 at 12:46pm - misc - by moonbears - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

#21480404
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24683) - you deserved it (1712)

On 10/15/2015 at 2:19pm - love - by badtasteinmen - United States (Oregon)

Today, at my annual checkup, the doc looks down at my foot and says, "Oh, you have an extra toenail. 6, huh?" Then sort of scraping at the side of my foot below the pinky toe, he pulls off a long piece of dead, dried skin and says, "Oh." FML

#21476672
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20559) - you deserved it (5985)

On 10/06/2015 at 12:18am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

#21467148
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23107) - you deserved it (4596)

On 09/11/2015 at 1:57am - misc - by All Dressed Up With No Place To Go (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

#21460549
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25133) - you deserved it (1753)

On 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

#21458206
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19460) - you deserved it (10875)

On 08/19/2015 at 9:00pm - misc - by ToddesPizza - United States (Oregon)



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