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FMLs submitted from Oregon

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend because I felt unappreciated. She found it appropriate to sarcastically say, "Oh no, how will I ever be able to open my jars?" FML

#21378617
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29062) - you deserved it (3)

On 03/20/2015 at 9:32pm - love - by tumbleshay - United States (Oregon)

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

#21370930
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28128) - you deserved it (2297)

On 03/09/2015 at 1:44am - work - by probably not getting the job - United States (Oregon)

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18179) - you deserved it (3)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend confessed to cheating on me. Unfortunately, she's a pathological liar and I can't be sure if it's really true, along with half the stuff she tells me on a daily basis. Love is hard. FML

#21356609
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29540) - you deserved it (9871)

On 02/15/2015 at 11:02am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37039) - you deserved it (4214)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my beloved dog. Why? Yesterday she asked me who I'd choose, and I honestly said that I would choose the dog. FML

Today, I was excited that my sister called me for the first time in months. She asked me to stop watching "Friends" so she could use the Netflix account. Now, I still have an absentee sister and no Friends. FML

#21346655
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24360) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:57am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

#21326721
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24513) - you deserved it (2046)

On 12/29/2014 at 8:07pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

#21326529
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27555) - you deserved it (3092)

On 12/29/2014 at 2:11pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

#21317150
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32662) - you deserved it (2387)

On 12/14/2014 at 2:50am - work - by wallamanut (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

#21317090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30277) - you deserved it (2774)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:15am - misc - by konacoffee17 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML

#21308095
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38610) - you deserved it (4683)

On 11/29/2014 at 11:28am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I knocked an old-school slide carousel off my desk, scattering nearly 100 individual slides everywhere, including the specific slides my professor asked me to digitally scan, which were placed carefully on top. None of them are numbered. FML

#21302910
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25254) - you deserved it (4984)

On 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)



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