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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

#1986687
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17552) - you deserved it (43598)

On 05/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Ricky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was selected to give my speech to the entire school. I was later told it had to be censored because it was inappropriate, even though I was just trying to make a point. My speech was on political correctness. My speech on political correctness was censored for political reasons. FML

#1973868
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44796) - you deserved it (4580)

On 05/16/2009 at 9:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52829) - you deserved it (6024)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49854) - you deserved it (9743)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (51426)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

#1905564
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39731) - you deserved it (18534)

On 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15018) - you deserved it (76262)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

#1869680
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7191) - you deserved it (78777)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:11am - misc - by Ottawa (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

#1869092
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55278) - you deserved it (4233)

On 05/12/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by freckle82 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

#1832318
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77606) - you deserved it (15038)

On 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

#1800346
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58865) - you deserved it (5680)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79058) - you deserved it (24304)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

#1745966
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78722) - you deserved it (4210)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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