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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50750) - you deserved it (5818)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realised that my glade plug-in air freshner lasts longer than any of my relationships have. FML

#1956453
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47444) - you deserved it (9321)

On 05/15/2009 at 2:14am - love - by heartless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working at a children's day camp, one of the kids who is allergic to peanuts went into anaphylactic shock. I ran and grabbed the boys eppe pen. I was holding it backwards so the injection went into my hand, causing me to pass out and both of us to be rushed to hospital. FML

#1926595
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23987) - you deserved it (51185)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:11am - work - by MC (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and went to the bathroom. That’s when I realized that after passing out with my shoes on last night, my friends decided use a black sharpie and play “connect the dots” with my acne. FML

#1905564
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39507) - you deserved it (18495)

On 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13928) - you deserved it (73862)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in line for Star Trek and chatting with another couple about a guy who came to the movie wearing a Starfleet uniform. We were having a good snicker about this "Geek" until my cell phone rang. My ringtone is the sound made by the Star Trek communicator. FML

#1869680
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6665) - you deserved it (76487)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:11am - misc - by Ottawa (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

#1869092
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53054) - you deserved it (4039)

On 05/12/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by freckle82 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

#1832318
340 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74896) - you deserved it (14365)

On 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

#1800346
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58594) - you deserved it (5660)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by sucksforme. (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was serving a family at the restaurant where I work. When I went to ask the little girl what she wanted, I was tongue-tied and got "cutie" and "hun" mixed up and ended up asking, "What can I get for you, cuntie?" FML

#1751488
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76916) - you deserved it (23432)

On 05/08/2009 at 4:53pm - work - by keeks_25 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while working as a makeup artist in the mall, I was approached by a man who wanted to try lipstick (not unusual we do a lot of drag). While I'm applying it he starts to make gross noises and after a quick glance I realize he has a massive erection. He then whispers mmmm don't stop now. FML

#1745966
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75088) - you deserved it (3908)

On 05/08/2009 at 10:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a family get together with distant relatives. My grandma made a point to say how all of the grandkids brought their boyfriends or girlfriends. She looks at me, then turns to everyone and says "But not our Becky! She is more interested in her cats right now than finding a man." FML

#1738552
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49207) - you deserved it (6241)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:38pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a restaurant when I heard a young girl telling her father she didn't think she was pretty. When I got up to leave, I walked past her table and told her she was beautiful. Her dad then punched me in the face. FML

#1737355
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60069) - you deserved it (14855)

On 05/07/2009 at 11:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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