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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I woke up to somebody shaking my shoulder. I had slept over at a friend's house, so I assumed my friend was just fooling around. With my head under the pillow, I swung my hand at his face then gave him the finger. Turns out, my friend left for basketball and I had slept in. It was his mom. FML

#21141244
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40242) - you deserved it (17031)

On 05/15/2014 at 10:34pm - misc - by NickJJ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I received a $20 gift card to Tim Horton's as a prize, and decided to use it. At the register, I was told that I'd essentially won an empty gift card. FML

#21139747
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42686) - you deserved it (3748)

On 05/14/2014 at 3:23pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49568) - you deserved it (22236)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (33305)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

#21123165
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35254) - you deserved it (6367)

On 04/26/2014 at 12:22am - misc - by vee2013 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my landlord started showing my apartment, where I have lived and paid rent for over 2 years, to prospective tenants. I didn't realize that I was moving. FML

#21120676
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42539) - you deserved it (3082)

On 04/23/2014 at 8:43am - misc - by Almost_Homeless - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, I went to get an ultrasound done. I texted my ex, who's the father, and told him how adorable its little feet are, and asked him why he didn't come. I got a reply with two words: "DNA test". FML

#21118642
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (10338)

On 04/21/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by kelly.duggan (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

#21116585
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39532) - you deserved it (4383)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML

#21114019
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34742) - you deserved it (5258)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:20pm - kids - by Someone (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I handed in the answer sheet an hour into a 3-hour long exam because I couldn't answer most of the questions. Now, everyone thinks I'm genius because I "finished" quickly and they want me to tutor them. FML

#21113382
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38224) - you deserved it (11734)

On 04/15/2014 at 12:35am - work - by idontknowwhatiamdoing (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my co-worker started talking in third person. Not only that, but he narrates his daily tasks. "Jeff reached for a stapler", "Jeff stapled a report". I have to sit beside this chimp for 8 hours a day, and nothing I say can end this. FML

Today, in an attempt to potty train my step-son, my boyfriend and I put underwear on him, hoping that when he peed himself, he would realize using the potty is the way to go. Instead, he peed while sitting on the couch, got up, took off the underwear, and then switched seats. FML

#21106771
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37191) - you deserved it (12050)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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