FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, while waiting in line to get my medication, a man who just got his prescription looked me up and down and said "Penis pills, right? Ya look like the type." Then he walked out as a couple of other guys in line started snickering. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 2:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2015 at 12:50am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2015 at 7:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

by Ally / 09/26/2015 at 9:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, during the "what can your manager do to help with your career aspirations" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

by officework / 09/24/2015 at 3:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I passed out in my kitchen and was woken up by my dog. Not because she was worried about me, but because my body was blocking her food dish. FML

by mayhemily / 09/21/2015 at 12:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my dog vomited a writhing mass of maggots. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever smelled, and I was baffled as to where she found a maggot infested dead thing to eat. Baffled, until my mom reminded me that my cat has been missing, presumed dead, for over a week. FML

by wormsmeat / 09/17/2015 at 5:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my teacher plugged the speakers into the wrong input on his computer, and said, "Oops, wrong hole", to which one of the students who often makes the same mistake said, "Story of my life". I understood it differently and started laughing. It would have been fine if the teacher wasn't her father. FML

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

by meunluckycharms / 09/14/2015 at 3:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

by TheVengefulGeek / 09/13/2015 at 5:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2015 at 2:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I got a date after being alone for the past 2 years. The girl who my friends set me up with began asking my monthly income, my current occupation, and asked if I have a credit card account. FML

by anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 8:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I decided to bike to work. I normally forget the key to my lock, so I leave it out back and hope that nobody takes it, and nobody does. I finally remembered my lock key so I chained it up. After my 7 hour shift, I walk to the back only to find the lock had been cut, and my bike was gone. FML

by Blue_Heart / 09/05/2015 at 2:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work