FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

by Unsatisfied / 12/16/2009 at 1:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

by allergyface / 12/15/2009 at 10:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taking my clothes out of the washer, I noticed at the very bottom of the washer my boyfriend's USB stick I found a couple of days ago. The USB stick contains his English essay, and his novel he has been working on for almost six months. FML

by Anonymous / 12/14/2009 at 12:15am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor to check the dark growth I just discovered on my back. It was chocolate. FML

by sillygoose / 12/13/2009 at 10:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up to find my parents singing happy birthday with lots of hugs and kisses. My birthday is next week. FML

by Thomas / 12/13/2009 at 1:46am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to perform with my Orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2009 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my furnace and all of my heating systems broke down. A fridge is 3 degrees Celsius; it is now 2 degrees Celsius in my house. I would be warmer in my fridge. FML

by FrozenD / 12/12/2009 at 11:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

by B-Man / 12/11/2009 at 4:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

by HarryBeast / 12/09/2009 at 10:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

by somechick / 12/09/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went skating at the local rink. I had a really hard time balancing and was falling all over the place. After everyone had a good laugh, someone finally decided to tell me that one of my blade covers was still on, thanks. FML

by skating101 / 12/07/2009 at 9:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

by Twiddle / 12/07/2009 at 2:00am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

by proudparent / 12/07/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids