Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I got industrial toilet cleaner in my eyes. Despite the raging fire party going on behind my eyelids, I resisted the urge to stop, drop, and roll, and calmly got in the shower to wash it off. Wherein I promptly slipped, fell, and whacked my head full-force on the bathtub on the way down. FML

#1695418
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45672) - you deserved it (4091)

On 05/06/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by twoheadedboy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

#1667670
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38763) - you deserved it (24384)

On 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

#1620980
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36935) - you deserved it (24600)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:37am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandpa told me he can still get aroused even though he is 84. Im 32 and have erectile dysfunction. FML

#1578524
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57269) - you deserved it (3618)

On 05/02/2009 at 11:47pm - misc - by fuckerman - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML

#1467567
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8931) - you deserved it (57907)

On 04/29/2009 at 7:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking into my living room when I slipped over the carpet, bashed my head on my glass table, and was moaning in pain on the floor. My parents came running when they heard my head bang... straight to the table to see if there were any scratches on it. FML

#1435324
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44140) - you deserved it (2527)

On 04/28/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38737) - you deserved it (7355)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking my boyfriend to meet my grandparents. They live on the 27th floor. Alone in the elevator we started making out. Turns out that theres a camera in the elevator, connected to every apartment. My grandma asked me how it was. FML

#1394629
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (13395)

On 04/27/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by fmylifechelsea (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend was wearing a new shirt he had bought over the weekend. It was really cute and I always borrow his shirts so I asked to borrow his new one. He replied with, "Okay but please don't stretch this one." FML

#1387702
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44562) - you deserved it (15900)

On 04/27/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

#1377457
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46325) - you deserved it (7682)

On 04/26/2009 at 11:39pm - misc - by BbyDelight (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML

#1339602
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42220) - you deserved it (15184)

On 04/25/2009 at 11:10pm - animals - by poopedon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was shopping in an upscale store. As I was changing, I heard one of the snobby saleswomen say to mine "You shouldn't bother. She isn't going to buy anything." Determined to "show her", I purchased everything I'd tried on. It came to around $500. My credit card was declined. FML

#1315447
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11252) - you deserved it (57693)

On 04/25/2009 at 8:49am - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting ready for bed, when I decided to watch some porno on the computer. Suddenly someone from my messenger list says, "You might want to turn off the 'What You're Listening To' option if you're watching porn." I snapped and exited the porn. 63 people saw. FML

#1292881
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17565) - you deserved it (70102)

On 04/24/2009 at 4:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: