FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, after discussing the side-effects of an insomnia aid, my doctor said that making a choice was naturally a difficult one, and that he would only prescribe it to me once I'd had "a good, long sleep on it". He then laughed out loud and called in the next patient. FML

by royalscenery / 10/27/2010 at 5:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML

by Lisaaa / 10/27/2010 at 7:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, at work, there is a rumor going around that I'm gay. Somewhat curious at how did this start, I asked a co-worker. He said I was seen 3 days ago at a mall holding hands with someone who looks like a guy from behind. Three days ago, I was at the mall with my girlfriend. FML

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

by robthebuilder / 10/26/2010 at 2:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption: "This is what Taco Bell does." FML

by tanya / 10/25/2010 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, l was crouched on the ground in the doorway at a haunted mansion. It's part of my job here to scare the people passing by. A 12 year old girl walked by, I grabbed her leg, and she kicked me in the face. FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 5:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

by haayloo / 10/18/2010 at 10:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:10am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

by meegs / 10/16/2010 at 8:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 5:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

by themanzz / 10/08/2010 at 8:08am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals