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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like eachother. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says: "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML

#6255110
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35768) - you deserved it (3612)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:21am - love - by Starchyld (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my friends I had been hiding something that I wanted to come clean on. My one friend responds by saying, "FINALLY you come out of the closet. It's about time." I'm not gay. I was just going to tell them my parents were getting a divorce. FML

#6241973
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (4020)

On 11/10/2009 at 11:25am - misc - by ClosetMishap (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

#6239894
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8257) - you deserved it (19473)

On 11/10/2009 at 4:09am - intimacy - by vanessa_d15 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I attended a focus group. Since I've been unemployed for a month now I thought the $60 would come in handy. By the time I finished someone had broken into my car, stole my GPS and MP3 player. FML

#6236488
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23339) - you deserved it (2834)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:16pm - money - by unlucky (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while finishing up raking leaves, I decided it would be a fun idea to jump into them. After rolling around in the leaves for a bit, I smelled something funny. Turns out I was rolling around in dog shit. FML

#6226609
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13628) - you deserved it (33159)

On 11/09/2009 at 10:18am - animals - by Kirta (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML

#6224198
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36994) - you deserved it (6010)

On 11/09/2009 at 2:55am - health - by vanessa_d15 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

#6191720
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10695) - you deserved it (29388)

On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I celebrated my 18th birthday. Alone. My only birthday wish came from the police officer who gave me a ticket. FML

#6190643
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29690) - you deserved it (3288)

On 11/07/2009 at 12:24am - misc - by bdayloser (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

#6169373
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30814) - you deserved it (3773)

On 11/05/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by Xero_316 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I spent 65 dollars in cab fare and skipped half of my grade 12 classes, including a unit test, to see my girlfriend on our two year anniversary. I arrived just in time to see her kiss her other boyfriend of over a year good bye. FML

#6168775
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38128) - you deserved it (8057)

On 11/05/2009 at 3:42pm - love - by x (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

#6125529
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22528) - you deserved it (2576)

On 11/02/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by justin_99 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML

#6055815
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18566) - you deserved it (4697)

On 10/29/2009 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I confronted my boyfriend, suspecting that he has been cheating on me during the past few months. He vehemently denied it. Then told me it would never happen again. What? FML

#6049453
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36795) - you deserved it (2709)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:09am - love - by clueless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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