FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

by omnomnom / 02/04/2011 at 7:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I got pulled over by a cop. Since my window wasn't working, I opened the door, causing him to run towards me with a drawn gun. He then had a go at me with his night stick. After realizing my window was broken, he laughed and let me off with a warning. FML

by NotoriousSRJ / 01/28/2011 at 10:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

by JordanVilleneuve / 01/27/2011 at 10:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

by PLU / 01/26/2011 at 7:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML

by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

by fail / 01/15/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a guy in a washroom at a party. Things got heavy and the guy lifted me onto the sink. The sink broke off from the wall. This caused a flood in the apartment. The party was canceled. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 10:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 2:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, I found out why my wife insisted on naming our first child "George" if it was a boy. It was her first love's name. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2011 at 8:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my cheating ex-boyfriend was offered the job we both interviewed for. I helped him with his cover letter before I found out about the affair. I've been unemployed for almost two years. FML

by sucker / 01/05/2011 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

by This_Is_Me1982 / 01/03/2011 at 12:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

Today, my boyfriend told me to stuff my bra before going to a party with him and his friends because he didn't want to be embarrassed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2011 at 7:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love