FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, while driving home from basketball practice, I noticed an old lady struggling to get up from a fall. I stopped to help her up and make sure she was fine, and in the meantime, a teenager decided to hop into my car and crash it into a telephone pole and run away. FML

by anonymous / 12/28/2010 at 1:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

by nemo518 / 12/23/2010 at 1:36am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I went to a work party where we had a Secret Santa. I gave a nice set of beer bottles with glasses. When my name was called I naturally picked the biggest gift. I got groceries. I now have dog food and men's body spray. I don't have a boyfriend or a dog. FML

by crazygirl / 12/14/2010 at 9:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

by blahblah / 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went to check if my neighbours were home to return their dog, having looked after her for a few days. I looked in the window and the place was empty. They'd moved house and stuck us with their dog. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 11:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I woke up to my apartment filled with smoke, fire alarms blaring. My roommate set my kitchen on fire while making hot dogs. This is the fourth time this has happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 10:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, while playing soccer, I was kicked so hard in the shin that my tibia snapped. The snap was so loud that even the audience heard. As we waited for an ambulance, my mom started yelling for me to get off the field so the game could continue. FML

Today, I realized that the only time I've ever been noticed by my classmates is when I brought cake for the potluck. FML

by Invisible / 12/08/2010 at 4:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I built a snowman. When I'd finished, I went inside to get a scarf and carrot for the nose. As I came back outside, a snowplough ran it over, and the driver waved at me. FML

Today, a woman slipped on the ice in front of me. Instinctively, I caught her before she fell. Instead of thanking me, she whirled around and asked me if my *expletive* mother had taught me to grope women inappropriately. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 11:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2010 at 6:42am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation