FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

by dollarstorepwnr / 03/19/2011 at 1:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally decided to tell my parents I was a lesbian. They spent the next few hours reading me the bible. FML

by lezbplove / 03/19/2011 at 1:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

by SpideyFace / 03/18/2011 at 9:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML

by Abeille / 03/16/2011 at 8:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML

by dumped / 03/10/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boss lectured me on the evils of alcohol and how it was 'prohibited' during the 1980s. I said nothing because he hates being corrected. FML

by Squinty6 / 03/02/2011 at 10:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML

by stillsick / 03/01/2011 at 7:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I was eating Campbell's vegetable soup. Halfway through, I started to read the ingredients and found beef broth. I have been a vegetarian for seven years. FML

by NoMeatFail / 02/26/2011 at 7:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I treated my mom to a movie and lunch after she'd attended weeks of AA meetings. She snuck in a flask to the movie, and during lunch, she started calling people muggles. FML

by BackToRehab / 02/26/2011 at 4:53pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting a little girl. We were colouring, and she told me she wanted to draw a picture of me. After she was done, she showed me the picture. I'm drawn as a fat cow. The worst part is, the picture actually looks kinda like me. FML

by magoo16 / 02/21/2011 at 12:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML

by bitchasaurusrex / 02/15/2011 at 4:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

by sadcartoons / 02/12/2011 at 1:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous