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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

#12277666
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55485) - you deserved it (4199)

On 08/03/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by Cheated (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

#12188597
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45893) - you deserved it (3371)

On 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by Richmond24 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

#12187825
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42136) - you deserved it (6067)

On 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34519) - you deserved it (3190)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

#12095964
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8493) - you deserved it (37777)

On 07/25/2010 at 1:06am - health - by one_BAMF - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

#12023647
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15722) - you deserved it (28683)

On 07/21/2010 at 12:09pm - misc - by Syrinth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

#11895645
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38802) - you deserved it (2635)

On 07/15/2010 at 6:52am - misc - by photonut13 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

#11624836
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47329) - you deserved it (5377)

On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by nowsingle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

#11430477
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30315) - you deserved it (4158)

On 06/24/2010 at 4:02pm - work - by kbartlett86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

#11240102
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13670) - you deserved it (39682)

On 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by theorifice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52639) - you deserved it (21291)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

#11102000
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40291) - you deserved it (4124)

On 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm - health - by Aciliveth (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

#11010469
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28864) - you deserved it (3068)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by duko3000 - Canada (Ontario)



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