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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

#12187825
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40322) - you deserved it (5795)

On 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33159) - you deserved it (3076)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

#12095964
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8458) - you deserved it (37715)

On 07/25/2010 at 1:06am - health - by one_BAMF - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

#12023647
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15203) - you deserved it (27872)

On 07/21/2010 at 12:09pm - misc - by Syrinth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

#11895645
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38716) - you deserved it (2632)

On 07/15/2010 at 6:52am - misc - by photonut13 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

#11624836
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47213) - you deserved it (5370)

On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by nowsingle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

#11430477
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30236) - you deserved it (4152)

On 06/24/2010 at 4:02pm - work - by kbartlett86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

#11240102
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13647) - you deserved it (38429)

On 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by theorifice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52510) - you deserved it (21266)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to get an ultrasound, which required me to drink 3 glasses of water beforehand. The doctor said I had too much and told me to go pee out just a little and come back. It took a lot of effort to hold the rest in. The first thing she did when I got back was press on my abdomen. I peed myself. FML

#11102000
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39182) - you deserved it (4050)

On 06/10/2010 at 12:07pm - health - by Aciliveth (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the reason I can't get a job. My previous employer didn't know my name, so when places I applied to called there for a reference, my boss said he had no recollection of me working there. FML

#11010469
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (3060)

On 06/06/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by duko3000 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my coworker told me she knew about my secret boyfriend because she has a "sixth sense" about these things. I'm too embarrassed to tell her I'm desperately single and the last date I went on was three years ago. FML

#10966986
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27590) - you deserved it (3597)

On 06/04/2010 at 1:36pm - work - by single and not mingling - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as a bridal shower gift, I got a "coupon" for 25% off divorce attorney fees. It was a collective gift. FML

#10862777
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (3604)

On 05/30/2010 at 12:29pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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