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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was stuck behind an elderly man on a one-way street into my university campus. There was no traffic in front of him and we were both going under the speed limit, so I honked my horn at him to speed up. He ended up double-parking in the last two spots. FML

#14069245
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22627) - you deserved it (12465)

On 12/03/2010 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I overheard my mother telling a friend she got me oven mitts for Christmas. I got her two cruise tickets. I hate to cook. Which she knows. FML

#14066862
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27760) - you deserved it (2948)

On 12/03/2010 at 12:18am - misc - by nokitchenforme - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML

#14000546
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16027) - you deserved it (41271)

On 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, seeing Ozzy Osbourne live for the first time, I was trying to get the perfect photo of the entire band on stage. That is, until a sudden burst of pyrotechnics startled me, and I gave myself a black eye from the camera hitting me in the face. FML

#13982086
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21118) - you deserved it (9041)

On 11/26/2010 at 12:23am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my best friend was fired from the place we both work at because she's a bad employee. After they fired her she said, "If I go, I'm taking my best friend with me." So they fired me too. I actually liked that job. FML

#13958382
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35326) - you deserved it (3869)

On 11/24/2010 at 3:45am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML

#13949092
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41468) - you deserved it (5451)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

#13886809
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32232) - you deserved it (5648)

On 11/18/2010 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

#13876675
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40512) - you deserved it (12376)

On 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm - love - by neverdateaclosetcase (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

#13861798
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22638) - you deserved it (7946)

On 11/16/2010 at 3:07am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

#13829911
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30318) - you deserved it (3121)

On 11/13/2010 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, I accidentally walked into a meeting at which the whole company was there but me. The meeting was about how they could legally fire me while paying as little severance as possible. I'm the CEO and the founder of the company. FML

#13825716
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44143) - you deserved it (4022)

On 11/13/2010 at 9:43am - work - by everythingWASperfect - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML

#13822314
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34944) - you deserved it (5797)

On 11/13/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized the nicest thing my fiancé has said to me all month was that I have "very suckable titties." FML

#13806483
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28201) - you deserved it (5588)

On 11/11/2010 at 8:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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