FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was chilling in my comfy zip-up sweatshirt when I realized I was running late for an acting class. In my mad panic, I forgot I didn't have a shirt or bra underneath. Later in class, I was performing a scene and started to unzip my sweatshirt. You can figure out the rest. FML

by AccidentalFlasher / 01/07/2016 at 9:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after waiting in front of a washroom stall for 20 minutes to take a dump, I finally realized that the "person" in the stall was just a pair of shoes. FML

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 10:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 11:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after 3 years of hard work, very little vacation and no raises, our boss got us a crappy box of drug store cookies as an employee appreciation gift. Which he ended up eating. FML

by itsthebestdayoftheyear / 12/22/2015 at 7:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

by ehcanadianeh / 12/13/2015 at 3:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, while working at a gas station, I accidentally changed the price of gas to 8.9 cents per litre. It took me fifteen minutes to figure out why everyone wanted only two or three dollars of gas. I fixed it, but now my managers are debating charging me for lost revenue. FML

by Ihadnoidea / 12/12/2015 at 2:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2015 at 10:43pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

by jimmy / 11/30/2015 at 4:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

by Wtfbruhimmovingout / 11/27/2015 at 9:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired three of the four other people who were going to work with me on Black Friday in my department. Now it's just me and a new hire. My boss doesn't see a problem. FML

by darksaber522 / 11/25/2015 at 4:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I painfully watched my doctor burn a hole in my nail to drain the blood underneath. This is the prescribed treatment for the injury of hammering your thumb. FML

by FitnessFirst / 11/24/2015 at 7:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, as I had a chat with my boyfriend and a couple of his friends, one of them had brought up my boyfriend's son and his other child who was due any day now. The conversation would have went well, had I known that he had a son and a pregnant girlfriend. FML

by I Know How to Pick'em / 11/16/2015 at 7:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Love