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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML

#12405087
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39448) - you deserved it (4946)

On 08/09/2010 at 3:07am - intimacy - by hard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to call the number a cute guy had scribbled onto a napkin and given to me. I was greeted by, "Hello, this is Dr. Allen's office." Surprised, because I didn't remember his name being anything close to Allen, I asked who Dr. Allen was. She's a psychologist. FML

#12371102
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26645) - you deserved it (5134)

On 08/07/2010 at 1:10pm - misc - by TRalalla (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, my wife then told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

#12277666
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54455) - you deserved it (4112)

On 08/03/2010 at 12:07am - intimacy - by Cheated (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth out. My mom didn't get my prescription for painkillers because she thought I'd get addicted. FML

#12188597
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45693) - you deserved it (3361)

On 07/29/2010 at 3:10pm - health - by Richmond24 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

#12187825
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40283) - you deserved it (5791)

On 07/29/2010 at 2:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

#12109391
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33103) - you deserved it (3076)

On 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm - work - by anon (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dislocated my shoulder. How? I went to a party with some friends and they each bet me $20 I couldn't lick my elbow. I guess I proved them wrong. FML

#12095964
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8443) - you deserved it (37680)

On 07/25/2010 at 1:06am - health - by one_BAMF - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

#12023647
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15188) - you deserved it (27833)

On 07/21/2010 at 12:09pm - misc - by Syrinth (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

#11895645
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38681) - you deserved it (2630)

On 07/15/2010 at 6:52am - misc - by photonut13 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML

#11624836
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46006) - you deserved it (5239)

On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by nowsingle - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

#11430477
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30195) - you deserved it (4150)

On 06/24/2010 at 4:02pm - work - by kbartlett86 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

#11240102
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13632) - you deserved it (38394)

On 06/16/2010 at 12:28pm - misc - by theorifice (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML

#11117532
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52449) - you deserved it (21249)

On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



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