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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my doctor told me my asthma was being triggered by my dad's smoking. He wrote a note to my dad, asking him to refrain from smoking while around me. My dad took one look at the note, then threw it in the trash, saying the doctor "doesn't know what he's talking about." FML

#15977216
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (2892)

On 04/29/2011 at 12:09pm - health - by Wtf (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate and planning on having sex for the first time. I picked her up off the couch, and in so doing, accidentally lifted her too high, putting her head through the ceiling. She had a mild concussion. FML

#15921187
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40061) - you deserved it (20003)

On 04/25/2011 at 3:31pm - intimacy - by Ouch (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I played Angry Birds for two hours. I got so into the game, I failed to remember that I was sitting on a public toilet. I only realized this when the janitor came to check on me. FML

#15901266
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12315) - you deserved it (51172)

On 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm - animals - by bobo - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the landlord of our building constructed a bathroom in the space under the stairs, outside my office, on the other side of a thin wall. He must have some kind of bowel disorder, because now I get to hear the sounds of his loud, wet and gassy pooping several times per day. FML

#15884544
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28409) - you deserved it (2468)

On 04/22/2011 at 10:26am - work - by op-poopy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33312) - you deserved it (4580)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting in the park eating a sandwich, when a homeless guy asked me for some spare change. I said I didn't have any. He offered an "erotic striptease" in exchange for my sandwich. I said no. He gave one anyway. I walked back to work on an empty stomach. FML

#15800511
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31926) - you deserved it (6171)

On 04/15/2011 at 10:04pm - work - by :| - Canada (Ontario)

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

#15786221
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10203) - you deserved it (36977)

On 04/14/2011 at 6:27pm - health - by fail (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

#15637668
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40502) - you deserved it (21762)

On 04/04/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by lynn777 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML

#15616538
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21388) - you deserved it (57094)

On 04/03/2011 at 3:02am - misc - by JJMan217 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

#15613942
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53539) - you deserved it (6234)

On 04/03/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by cantgetup (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to what I thought was my 9 month old son breastfeeding. It was my boyfriend. According to him, he wanted to experience what his mother never gave him as a kid. FML

#15561412
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43577) - you deserved it (8088)

On 03/30/2011 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I wound up in hospital because my boyfriend covered my face in fake gore while I was sleeping, to see if I was really as scared of blood as I claimed. Sure enough, when I saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror, I fainted, smashing my head against the counter on the way down. FML

#15550416
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38078) - you deserved it (3807)

On 03/29/2011 at 7:58pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

#15532710
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58786) - you deserved it (29186)

On 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by dickface - Canada (Ontario)



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