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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my love life is so pathetic that when I got a sample of cologne in the mail, I kept sniffing it just to remind myself what a guy smells like. FML

#21455591
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23425) - you deserved it (3327)

On 08/13/2015 at 1:12pm - love - by so_this_is_me (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my friends told me that I'm not invited to the next trip because I'm a party pooper for not getting drunk and staying out late during our last vacation. I guess they forgot that I spent each night taking care of their drunk asses and stayed sober to be the designated driver. FML

#21454553
78 comments

Today, I went to a hockey game. While warm-ups were happening, my favourite player pointed at me and tossed me a puck. It bounced off my hand into another girl's, who was a fan of the other team. She refused to give it back, then walked away and said, "I can't wait to sell this on eBay." FML

#21454360
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23300) - you deserved it (2249)

On 08/10/2015 at 3:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up panting and drenched in sweat from a horrible nightmare. I'd been dreaming that bright, colored shapes were falling from the sky and I couldn't make them all neatly align with one another on the ground. I guess I should stop playing so much Tetris before bed. FML

#21453585
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22173) - you deserved it (4839)

On 08/08/2015 at 6:56pm - misc - by I love L (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while trying to quit my horrible job at a pizza place, I got so nervous that I accidentally offered to work double my usual hours for another month. FML

#21451712
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21475) - you deserved it (15058)

On 08/04/2015 at 9:31am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

#21445449
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16972) - you deserved it (24935)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm - health - by Anonypiss (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

#21444204
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23544) - you deserved it (3169)

On 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

#21442530
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27842) - you deserved it (1678)

On 07/16/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

#21441743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28084) - you deserved it (2149)

On 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm - work - by ineedaraise (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

#21439620
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29336) - you deserved it (2977)

On 07/10/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

#21439345
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (15388)

On 07/10/2015 at 12:27am - kids - by clutzymama (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

#21439015
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27754) - you deserved it (1835)

On 07/09/2015 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

#21438428
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24519) - you deserved it (2739)

On 07/08/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by grossed out mom - Canada (Ontario)



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