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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

#21076106
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52283) - you deserved it (13305)

On 03/02/2014 at 5:38pm - animals - by Anonytard - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41697) - you deserved it (5688)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43394) - you deserved it (9322)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43441) - you deserved it (15604)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37839) - you deserved it (14088)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at work, a kid rushed into the bathroom to vomit. Understandable, except he threw up into the sinks. Sinks plural, whose drain holes are so small that only liquid can really pass through. Guess who had to clean up vomit chunks. FML

#21031848
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (3419)

On 01/18/2014 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML

#21031072
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40487) - you deserved it (5623)

On 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm - health - by SqueakingRetard (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new neighbor asked if I could keep my dog from yapping during the evenings, because it kept him awake last night. I don't have a dog, but I apologized anyway. I didn't have the heart to admit that those are the sounds my girlfriend makes during sex. FML

#21023843
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48701) - you deserved it (7560)

On 01/10/2014 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by lukas (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

#21018330
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45704) - you deserved it (3949)

On 01/05/2014 at 9:54pm - kids - by rain1 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

#21016902
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44262) - you deserved it (5165)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a woman started giving me grief because we didn't have any Boxing Day sales. As I explained to her that dollar stores don't usually have sales, she tried to lamp me. It ended by her getting dragged out of the store. FML

#21006865
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32673) - you deserved it (2377)

On 12/27/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a guy in the street drawing caricatures, and I decided to pay him to do one of me. Being a caricature, I looked pretty monstrous in it. When I showed it to my mum later, she shuddered and said, "Yeah, looks just like you." FML

#20998272
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33296) - you deserved it (3863)

On 12/19/2013 at 5:13pm - misc - by ;_; (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

#20997471
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38163) - you deserved it (2640)

On 12/18/2013 at 9:59pm - misc - by bf - Canada (Ontario)



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