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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to allow the cats to sleep with us on the bed. As we started to cuddle, one of the cats pissed right in between us. We are sleeping on the couch until the baking soda absorbs the smell in the mattress. I'll be sleeping there longer than that. FML

#20012106
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8589) - you deserved it (25422)

On 08/09/2012 at 8:02pm - animals - by couchsurfer - Canada (Ontario)

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend asked me what he should get his mother for her birthday. FML

#20011729
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (3217)

On 08/09/2012 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by Badkitty14 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered the crunching noise your foot will make if you accidentally drop a cement block on it. FML

#20011651
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26564) - you deserved it (2509)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:33pm - health - by flatfoot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

#20008728
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (2314)

On 08/08/2012 at 12:19am - money - by Heinz (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to scream for my dad to come help me, after I got my hair caught in a fan while trying to make the Darth Vader voice. FML

#20006198
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8016) - you deserved it (29943)

On 08/06/2012 at 6:08pm - misc - by :$ - Canada (Ontario)

Today, some new people moved into the house next door to mine. The previous occupants were very loud and obnoxious day in and day out, so I was looking forward to some sanity. When I went outside, I noticed they'd parked their cars on my lawn. FML

#20005831
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20120) - you deserved it (1343)

On 08/06/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by 44magnumtime (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML

#20001841
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18063) - you deserved it (5143)

On 08/04/2012 at 5:33am - health - by MAC. - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me. I also found out that my best friend knew about it all along. When I confronted him, he tried to justify the betrayal by saying that she paid him to keep quiet. FML

#20000479
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21001) - you deserved it (1540)

On 08/03/2012 at 2:31pm - love - by gng2fckngkilluyoufckngfckr (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband told me that occasionally I pick my nose while I sleep. I didn't believe him so he showed me the video he took of it. He wants to post it on Facebook. FML

#19995801
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20807) - you deserved it (2796)

On 08/01/2012 at 1:44am - misc - by Emily (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to dinner with an amazing guy. At the end he said he had to go to the washroom. 15 min later he was still MIA, so I figured he'd ditched me with the bill. I paid and left. 10 min later he texted me, asking where I was. Turns out he hadn't ditched me. He was having "stomach issues." FML

#19991371
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23538) - you deserved it (6070)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:25pm - misc - by oops (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21665) - you deserved it (7523)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML

#19981666
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23094) - you deserved it (2514)

On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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