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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

#17487537
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23581) - you deserved it (2472)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:52am - misc - by Stevie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started my job as an assistant to a beekeeper. I forgot to put gloves on, and got stung like crazy. My hands swelled up to the size of baseball gloves. Turns out, I'm allergic to bees. FML

#17479997
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11258) - you deserved it (22982)

On 08/15/2011 at 11:55am - work - by rr - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

#17474941
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7503) - you deserved it (24595)

On 08/14/2011 at 10:51pm - love - by MC (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

#17417744
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42308) - you deserved it (3375)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:08pm - love - by the2girls - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

#17406158
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22822) - you deserved it (2932)

On 08/08/2011 at 10:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving home from a long day at work fixing people's electronics. When I got home, I got a call from work saying I needed to go back and help a customer with their TV again. When I got there, after an hour of driving, I realized I'd accidentally kicked the power cord out. FML

#17403392
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16963) - you deserved it (4007)

On 08/08/2011 at 1:30am - work - by Dispute (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

#17390536
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34271) - you deserved it (4574)

On 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm - love - by FML! - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at the hospital front desk when an elderly man started hurling racial slurs at another visitor. A fight broke out, so I stepped in and forcibly separated the two. The old man tripped and crashed to the floor. Now I'm under investigation for "contributing to workplace violence." FML

#17380808
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19745) - you deserved it (1664)

On 08/05/2011 at 7:51pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML

#17361677
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36131) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

#17355077
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (2125)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:47pm - love - by thedancer5 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I ran out of gas while driving, and had to call a tow truck. I drive a tow truck. FML

#17259665
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12233) - you deserved it (18615)

On 07/25/2011 at 10:03pm - misc - by j - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

#17233240
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (413)

On 07/23/2011 at 8:01pm - work - by Sarah - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I fell asleep while watching an action movie. My newly installed surround sound system scared me so bad that I fell off the couch and smashed my face on our coffee table. FML

#17171472
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18989) - you deserved it (8344)

On 07/19/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by nataliepaige - Canada (Ontario)



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