FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML

by Highnapple / 03/04/2015 at 2:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, a woman yelled at me for holding a door open for her. FML

by Wutdafuqq / 02/23/2015 at 3:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML

by IngenuityAbsent / 02/22/2015 at 8:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I discovered that my male coworker, who coincidentally shares my last name, has been telling everyone we're married. I'm 26; he's 58. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2015 at 3:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went paintballing with my siblings. Once we were done, they realised I hadn't been shot at all. They cornered me in the forest and lit me up. I have welts all over my legs. FML

by walllflower / 02/08/2015 at 2:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I saw my co-worker write about how awful Muslims were and how the religion is stupid, the hijab is oppressive, and how they're a poison on society. When I questioned them about it, they pretty much said that I didn't know anything and should stop talking. I'm Muslim and a hijabi. FML

by coveredupforfun / 02/03/2015 at 10:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2015 at 12:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in a heated debate about climate change. I got so flustered that I forgot the word "volcano" and ended up calling them "exploding mountain things". End of the debate. Shame. FML

by WalkTheOtherWay / 01/31/2015 at 9:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

by Anonomous / 01/26/2015 at 10:48am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2015 at 8:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2015 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health