FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my mother was trying to have yet another "helpful" conversation about how to fix my anxiety. My sister's insightful comment? "I think your problem is that you need to get laid." My mom agreed with her. FML

by sexandanxiety / 04/29/2015 at 8:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, less than a month from our wedding, my fiancé told me that he doesn't trust me and will be cancelling our wedding and new apartment lease if I don't give him all the names, numbers and addresses of my exes. All because I received a text from a wrong number that said, "Hey baby." FML

by Groomzilla? / 04/28/2015 at 1:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML

Today, I received a terrible grade for an essay I worked really hard on. I had two friends, one being an English major, check it over. However, apparently I "clearly didn't use spellcheck" on this essay just like the last one I submitted to her. FML

by shaifox96 / 04/16/2015 at 11:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, while cleaning my desk I found a stray gumball. I quickly popped it into my mouth only to discover with horror that it was a paintball. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2015 at 6:52pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought my dad was finally showing interest in the business I started last year when he asked about my next event. Nope, he just wanted to know if I would hire his step-granddaughter. Her first question: "So, I won't have to do any like, real work right?" Gee, thanks Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 04/13/2015 at 9:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I got trapped in my building's elevator for over an hour, with my dog who I had been rushing outside with because he had explosive diarrhea. FML

by Crappy / 04/11/2015 at 8:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I had to get stitches in my vagina due to an unfortunate mishap while climbing a fence. FML

by burnswhenipee / 04/07/2015 at 8:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

by stitchesgirl12 / 04/07/2015 at 12:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

by mokki / 03/31/2015 at 8:56am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2015 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was playing with my 3-year-old nephew when he suddenly got up and ran to his mom to tell her I was "touching in bad spots". I was tickling his armpits. FML

by anon / 03/22/2015 at 10:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids