FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I walked in on a raccoon viciously tearing apart a giant bag of dog food, not five feet away from my sleeping dog. FML

by wtfkasey / 06/25/2015 at 1:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 11:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

by pantsareathing / 06/13/2015 at 1:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived at the salon to get my hair done for prom. The lady at the front desk insisted I didn't have an appointment. After looking back on my recent calls, it turned out I called the wrong number and whatever asshole was on the other line played along. FML

by Badhairday / 06/11/2015 at 7:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

by cocoapuffs4life / 06/10/2015 at 7:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, after handing over the cash to buy my sister's car off her, she refused to sign any of the paperwork, and later put an ad on Craigslist selling the same car. I got scammed by my own sister. FML

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

by Anathema_360 / 05/30/2015 at 11:22am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to explain to my little sister that not all guitars are supposed to have a hole in them, that when I was talking about "breaking it in" I didn't mean I'd smash a hole in it, and that she shouldn't have taken a hammer to my expensive new guitar. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2015 at 3:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

by GlueAndCarrots / 05/29/2015 at 11:05am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was on the train going to work when my travel tea cup began spilling inside my purse, which was on my lap. It went all over my skirt, pooled at the bottom of my feet, and, yes, everyone notice that it happened to be piss-colored yellow. FML

by Great / 05/29/2015 at 8:13am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2015 at 12:10pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, my friends made a little game out of my OCD. They like to purposely poke one of my arms so I immediately poke the other one. They think it's hilarious and now do it constantly. FML

by danceinconverse / 05/22/2015 at 4:11pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.