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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, my ex-boyfriend surprised me with a gorgeous, giant stuffed tiger as a belated birthday gift. I thought it was a lovely gesture until a friend told me she had thrown it in the dumpster behind our building this morning. FML

#21226147
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34269) - you deserved it (3109)

On 07/31/2014 at 8:17pm - love - by Does this thought count? (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

#21225641
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42491) - you deserved it (4366)

On 07/31/2014 at 7:38am - misc - by lostintdot (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father tripped over the dog and hit a wall. He was so convinced his arm was broken that we waited for 3 hours in emergency to find out he had a bruise. FML

#21225316
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33882) - you deserved it (2879)

On 07/30/2014 at 11:12pm - misc - by anon - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

#21223464
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21375) - you deserved it (62231)

On 07/29/2014 at 3:58am - misc - by jayswizzle89 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

#21218442
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49972) - you deserved it (11742)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

#21212818
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35939) - you deserved it (4662)

On 07/18/2014 at 11:49am - work - by tuck87 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40219) - you deserved it (6108)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at my football game, I turned around to spit so that it would be away from my teammates. I ended up spitting on a 10-year-old kid walking behind me. FML

#21203602
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37608) - you deserved it (17599)

On 07/09/2014 at 1:38am - kids - by whoops - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

#21201129
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38712) - you deserved it (3525)

On 07/06/2014 at 11:39pm - work - by notoneatall - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

#21195314
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36040) - you deserved it (3244)

On 07/01/2014 at 5:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51975) - you deserved it (4726)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (6125)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, our dishwasher door broke. My mom made me sit there for an hour straight, holding the door shut so it would work. FML



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