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FMLs submitted from Ontario

Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML

#21445449
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16081) - you deserved it (23568)

On 07/22/2015 at 12:21pm - health - by Anonypiss (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, for some reason entirely beyond my knowledge, Siri referred to me as "Sugartits". FML

#21444204
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22390) - you deserved it (2872)

On 07/19/2015 at 9:23pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML

#21442530
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26536) - you deserved it (1512)

On 07/16/2015 at 10:47am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

#21441743
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (1927)

On 07/14/2015 at 9:04pm - work - by ineedaraise (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my phone kept beeping, so I put it on silent and went back to sleep. When I woke up later, I found the guy I went on a date with last night had sent dozens of messages. The first was "Good morning! :)" and the last was "Answer me u fuckin cunt!!!!" I think I'm staying single. FML

#21439620
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (2633)

On 07/10/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

#21439345
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21584) - you deserved it (14369)

On 07/10/2015 at 12:27am - kids - by clutzymama (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I folded a stack of 2,500 brochures for the new exhibit we're putting on at the museum where I work. As I was finishing up, I got an email. The dates have just been changed, so all the brochures have to be reprinted and refolded. FML

#21439015
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (1623)

On 07/09/2015 at 12:38pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

#21438428
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23145) - you deserved it (2406)

On 07/08/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by grossed out mom - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to sit through an entire movie where every time a new character was introduced, the guy sitting behind me would say, "My name is Jeff." FML

#21438229
71 comments

Today, during family therapy the therapist asked if I believe I'm a good parent/husband. When I said yes my two sons, my daughter and even my wife very passionately disagreed. FML

#21437483
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22656) - you deserved it (11060)

On 07/06/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by --- - Canada (Ontario)

Today, the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML

#21434782
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27417) - you deserved it (2271)

On 07/01/2015 at 9:35am - love - by ouch - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband ruined the laundry once again. He forgot to empty his pants pockets before washing them. Last time he left an ink pen in them. This time it was a strawberry. FML

#21432612
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23545) - you deserved it (2155)

On 06/27/2015 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my lifeguarding exam. Everything was going well until I went to 'save' someone and slipped and bellyflopped into the pool. I broke my toe, and the person I was supposed to save ended up saving me instead. FML

#21432224
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25700) - you deserved it (2441)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:09am - misc - by mytoehurts - Canada (Ontario)



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