FMLs submitted from Oklahoma

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

by kmang33 / 04/02/2010 at 7:24am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

by Lovejunkie / 03/01/2010 at 2:30am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

by shnigel / 02/27/2010 at 3:04pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

by depressed / 02/22/2010 at 2:23am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

by misspriss / 02/16/2010 at 8:30pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

by alex / 02/16/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

by Mom / 02/05/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

by meow / 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, my girlfriends and I got a caricature painting while on a trip in the city. Unfortunately for me, the part of my appearance that the artist decided to exaggerate was my acne. FML

by fmylifegirl / 12/29/2009 at 3:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 3:39am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

by Alison / 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when I realized I had to sneeze. Not wanting to sneeze on her, I tried my hardest to hold it in. When I climaxed, I couldn't hold it in any more and sneezed all over her face. FML

by WorstMedicalBill / 11/20/2009 at 9:53am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy