FMLs submitted from Oklahoma

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 1:02pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Work

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 11:32pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 4:50am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

by onthemarket / 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/05/2010 at 1:22am / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

by Devon / 09/03/2010 at 12:35am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

by mc_dreamy / 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend's spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

by tonirene / 07/29/2010 at 3:21am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, when my girlfriend woke me up, she said, "I just had the sexiest dream." Thinking she was feeling frisky, I started to try to fool around with her. She pulled away and said, "Well it wasn't about YOU." FML

by girlgirlinsanity / 07/25/2010 at 7:09am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

by finalssuck / 05/21/2010 at 11:01am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I accidentally rear-ended an undercover police car. FML

by shit / 05/13/2010 at 5:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation