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FMLs submitted from Oklahoma

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

#9643258
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41292) - you deserved it (7604)

On 04/05/2010 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Hate2Date (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

#9572615
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25878) - you deserved it (6443)

On 04/02/2010 at 7:24am - intimacy - by kmang33 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

#8741180
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23232) - you deserved it (7539)

On 03/01/2010 at 2:30am - intimacy - by Lovejunkie (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I got sent out of the class for "inappropriate" behaviour. The teacher later forgot about me and sent a notice home to my parents stating that I skipped class. FML

#8691974
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24710) - you deserved it (6423)

On 02/27/2010 at 3:04pm - misc - by shnigel - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

#8544581
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8715) - you deserved it (21291)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:23am - intimacy - by depressed (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was in the theatre watching a movie. I leaned my head back to relax. Suddenly, I hear this sneeze behind me and then I feel "rain" pouring down on my face. FML

#8350664
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25212) - you deserved it (2398)

On 02/16/2010 at 8:30pm - misc - by misspriss (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while working at my new job at a veterinary hospital, I was excited that I set a urinary catheter in a dog for the first time. I guess I was a little too enthusiastic though, because I pulled it out too fast and bloody urine splashed up all over my face. FML

#8336704
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7333) - you deserved it (27865)

On 02/16/2010 at 11:43am - work - by alex (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I grounded my son for being a smart ass. Now he can't go to the cub scout campout this weekend. He's been howling, sobbing, stomping, slamming and screaming for about three continuous hours. I am not sure who this punishment has inflicted more suffering on: my son or me. FML

Today, I went outside to scrape the inch and a half of ice off my car so I could get to work. After half an hour of intense scraping, I realized that it wasn't my car. FML

#7782560
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14165) - you deserved it (24444)

On 02/01/2010 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML

#7330766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22125) - you deserved it (3966)

On 01/13/2010 at 11:27pm - love - by meow (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I came home and saw my girlfriend on the computer. I decided to sex things up and sneak up on her naked from behind. Apparently, she was video-chatting with her friends at the time. They saw everything. FML

#6734413
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6666) - you deserved it (19675)

On 12/13/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

#6655081
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8220) - you deserved it (34776)

On 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm - love - by Alison (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)



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