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FMLs submitted from Oklahoma

Today, while in my doctor's packed waiting room, an elderly woman insisted I take her seat. I thanked her, but politely declined. She began to yell, saying I was "ungrateful", until I sat down. She then left, laughing, as I discovered that she peed in the chair. Apparently, she does this often. FML

Today, I sneaked into my girlfriend's house for some romantic time. Before going into her room, I took a dump in the bathroom. Once I was done, I not only noticed that there was no toilet paper left, but I heard her and her 6'5, heavyweight boxer, ex-marine father, talking outside the bathroom door. FML

#14673565
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9994) - you deserved it (43026)

On 01/22/2011 at 12:39pm - love - by jester777 (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I burned myself while cooking, so I asked my mom to get the burn cream while I waited in the kitchen. While I was waiting, I absentmindedly set my hand on the hot stove, earning myself a second burn. FML

#14497096
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7366) - you deserved it (36984)

On 01/07/2011 at 1:14pm - health - by ouchieouch (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

#14348519
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7522) - you deserved it (31698)

On 12/26/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I woke up late for work, and got sick at work twice; when I got home I discovered I'd paid my cable bill late when I got cut off. When my girlfriend came over, the first thing she said was "Do you know about the graffiti on your car?" FML

#14258015
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37505) - you deserved it (2840)

On 12/19/2010 at 6:29am - misc - by byepolar_bare (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

#14006967
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29221) - you deserved it (3596)

On 11/28/2010 at 1:02am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML

#13987283
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (5472)

On 11/26/2010 at 1:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face than tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

#13876582
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31005) - you deserved it (7009)

On 11/17/2010 at 1:02pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, trying to be cute, I told my soon-to-be husband he was the ying to my yang. He responded with "Baby, you're the Monica Lewinsky to my Bill Clinton." FML

#13762058
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22324) - you deserved it (7687)

On 11/08/2010 at 4:50am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend gives good head. I didn't find out by getting one, I found out by my drunk best friend telling me. FML

#13213227
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30840) - you deserved it (2536)

On 09/26/2010 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, after being with my boyfriend for seven years, he finally proposed. To another woman. FML

#12964178
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42261) - you deserved it (3668)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:46pm - love - by onthemarket (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

#12911536
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21312) - you deserved it (20948)

On 09/05/2010 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)



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