FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I got a massage. Just as I was starting to relax, the massage therapist drooled on my face. FML

by spitty / 04/14/2015 at 5:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

by Jakesssss / 04/09/2015 at 9:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity in a porta-potty. FML

by NotALuckyGuy / 04/07/2015 at 12:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2015 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I lost hundreds of dollars in gift cards. Robbed? No. Mugged? Don't think so. My roommate threw them away after he got water on them, thinking that it rendered them unusable. FML

by BrokeAndSad / 03/29/2015 at 9:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Money

Today, I had to sit in a three-seat truck between my dad and his best friend on a 4-hour trip to Detroit. It was great, besides their incessant crude jokes and stories, including chafing ball sacks, and naming their new radio station, "Chicks With Dicks Radio." FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2015 at 7:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

by dicedicebaby / 03/22/2015 at 8:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waxing a client's chest, I forgot to have him turn his head. When I ripped the strip, I punched him in the face. FML

by waxer150 / 03/22/2015 at 6:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I was stopped in the grocery store by a stranger, who berated me, quite loudly, for going out in public in my pajamas. I had just gotten off work and was wearing scrubs. FML

by katgib13 / 03/10/2015 at 6:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML

by Microtron / 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was demoted as a bridesmaid in a wedding because I dyed my hair, and didn't ask permission from the bride to do so. The bride is my sister. FML

by punkchicka4 / 03/02/2015 at 6:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids