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FMLs submitted from Ohio

Today, I fell asleep in my driver's ed class, and I woke up in a middle of a dream laughing. Everyone stared at me. I found out that the teacher had just finished talking about his vegetative niece who didn't wear a seat belt. FML

#43148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14693) - you deserved it (32975)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Biggest Jerk (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

#43018
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29819) - you deserved it (2529)

On 02/14/2009 at 5:49pm - misc - by NoValentine (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I greeted my table (I'm a server) with a colloquial "Hey there, guys, how's it going?" The customers were three butch lesbians who thought I was incorrectly identifying their gender. I received no tip (on a $35 bill), and they registered a corporate complaint about my "insensitivity." FML

#29316
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38189) - you deserved it (4161)

On 02/12/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by ServingYouWings (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and said I was not 'Christian enough' for her. Later I found out she had been cheating on me with my best friend. FML

Today, I wore a cute new striped shirt to work. One of my co-workers said to me "I like your shirt. Most fat people don't look good in horizontals." FML

#17532
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31487) - you deserved it (4136)

On 02/09/2009 at 1:47pm - misc - by alie (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31128) - you deserved it (11403)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

#11750
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44801) - you deserved it (6149)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm - intimacy - by beerpong26 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple smirnoff, I puked up the Chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

#4209
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19960) - you deserved it (6949)

On 01/31/2009 at 3:33pm - misc - by helloworld92 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

#4119
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23451) - you deserved it (4781)

On 01/31/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by fuckit - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9588) - you deserved it (45028)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I drunkenly buried my girlfriend's recently deceased cat. Later she asked to see it and came back inside crying. It turns out I didn't bury it completely and its two back legs were poking out of the dirt. FML

#3882
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7318) - you deserved it (39838)

On 01/30/2009 at 7:49pm - animals - by jf29 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML

#3486
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20906) - you deserved it (5663)

On 01/29/2009 at 7:13pm - love - by amg85904 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend and I were in a hallway talking while a man kept walking by and turning around. I then asked him "WHAT are you LOOKING for!". It was a blind man. FML

#3202
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5847) - you deserved it (24215)

On 01/28/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by wsumt - United States (Ohio)



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